Sharing a Nanny is Easy (So Far)

It’s sharing my son that’s hard.

Today marks the beginning of Finn’s second week at the nanny share and my first week of classes. I had to be on campus for orientation, last week. So, Finn did three 5-hour “transitional” days. We wanted to be sure and ease him into it.

He did totally fine. Like, too fine. Like, I left thinking, “Shouldn’t you be screaming, now? Calling my name? Whimpering in despair?” No, he was happy as a clam to be with his sweet nanny and his new companion, Sidy. (I was also disappointed in how unenthusiastic he was about my coming to pick him up. C’mon, kid. At least ACT happy to see me!)

Really, though, I know these are good things. He’s well-adjusted and amenable and happy. Blah, blah, blah. I, of course, want him not to be able to survive without me. But that’s just my projecting.

I need him WAY more than he needs me. Even still, I’m handling his being with the nanny much better than I thought I would. It may have just been the anxiety of returning to work for the first time in months, but I’ve been so preoccupied with being back on campus that I haven’t really had much time to feel sorry for myself.

I know he’s well taken care of. I know he’s loved. I know we will all be okay.

The toughest part, actually, has been working him into my morning routine, which is usually pretty frantic. I am a sleep-until-the-last-possible-minute kind of gal. Couple that with a commute and, now, a baby who needs to be wakened, fed, dressed, and dropped off, and you get more than the average not-at-all-a-morning-person can handle. It’s been an adjustment, and I barely made it to my first class, this morning, but we’ll get the kinks worked out.

All in all, the transition into working again has, so far, been a lot smoother than we anticipated. It’s a new routine, and we’ll adjust to it–just like we have been doing again and again over the past several months.

Yet, as I confessed to a colleague/new mom today, I have a dirty little secret: If I could–if we were able to handle it financially and if my job awarded me the privilege–I’d stay at home with Finn a lot longer. That’s not something I ever thought I would say; I thought I’d be begging to go back to work. I love my job, after all.

But, no. No. My love for my job and my love for my students and my need for a career and a life outside of the house really pales in comparison to one thing: my love for Finn.

And so, there is some sadness, there. I missed out on 8 hours of Finn’s life today–8 hours! And it’s going to be pretty difficult to spend quality time with him on weeknights, as we’ll be in the workout/take care of the house/get dinner ready/get bottles made for tomorrow/breastfeed/shower/breastfeed/nighttime routine rush pretty much non-stop. That’s just working life with a baby, and we’re not exceptional in any way.

However, as happy as I am to get the many adorable photos that the nanny texts me throughout the day, I’m also jealous. She’s the one sharing those moments with him, and as lucky as we are to have her, I also kind of wish we didn’t need her.

Alas, we do! And so, I’ll have to get used to getting up WAY earlier, to letting someone else care for our baby, and to focusing on something other than sleep schedules. And Finn will have to get better at acting like he’s been longing for me all day.

Finn is 5 Months Old!

1 / 14 / 161 / 14 / 16

5 months

Finn has been on this planet for 5 whole months, and I can hardly believe it!

More and more, he seems less like a baby. This, of course, breaks our hearts, but it is also exciting to watch all the ways in which he’s changing–constantly!

This past month, our little guy experienced A LOT. We went on our first out-of-state trip, and he flew on his first airplane. He’s started eating–quite a bit. He eats everything we eat, and he’s become a little stalker during mealtime. He has found his tongue and does all sorts of silly things with it, including blowing bubbles and sticking it out. He has finally taken an interest in the cats, and he watches them intently.

He also started his nanny share this week, which is going really well, so far. He flirts endlessly with his sweet nanny, Carine. That’s no surprise, though. He flirts with EVERYONE.

He had a huge growth spurt, and there is a pile of clothes in the corner of the nursery that no longer fit him. I find myself adding something every single day.

He’s in the middle of his first real Chicago winter, as it’s been in the single digits this week, and he doesn’t really seem phased. Our tough guy!

He’s still sleeping really well, though he’s a little more suspicious of our bedtime routine, now. He’s a little less interested in FaceTime. He’s obsessed with the jumparoo that Mimi and Pops got him for Christmas. He now knows a world beyond 2015. And he’s still a camera ham.

We love our little guy to pieces, even if he always pulls our hair!

1-5

Our First Trip–and Flight–with a Baby!

1 / 12 / 161 / 12 / 16

This is a very bad, red-eyed selfie of our first flight with Finn. It was taken way, way early (like EARLY) last Saturday morning, as we traveled to New Mexico to visit Sona’s family.

It was our first trip with a baby, and, leading up to it, we were more than a little anxious.

Since Sona and I travel a lot, we knew we’d be breaking in Finn’s baby wings pretty early. With school being out for the winter and Sona’s time off (which was completely consumed by maternity leave, last year) renewed, we decided that early January was a good time for his first trip, and the flight to New Mexico seemed like a reasonable start.

Since Finn is, mostly, a great baby, we weren’t really nervous about how he’d behave. (Though, we were a little concerned about how much we’d be getting him off-schedule, especially on travel days.) Instead, most of our anxiety centered around HOW MUCH CRAP we’d have to pack for him.

Can we just take a moment to appreciate just how much stuff parents have to schlep through airports? I mean, REALLY.

A couple weeks before we left, we began making lists. One day, Sona came home with the most meticulous (and ridiculous) list of everything we’d typically use for Finn during an average week. We’re talking: “11 onesies, 14 washcloths, 47 diapers…” You get the idea.

I was determined to condense as much as possible. It helped that we were staying with family and, therefore, were able to do laundry. So, we packed much less than we’d actually use, knowing we could wash halfway through the week and use everything all over, again.

We also only took 3 bottles, two that were in our carry-on bags, planning to just wash them as soon as they were used.

So, the suitcase situation actually ended up not being quite so bad, and we didn’t feel like we had to pack much more than we typically would for ourselves.

But the carry-on situation was another matter.

First, we needed to take a stroller–but not our very large, very heavy stroller. Before Finn was born, I’d spent a lot of time researching travel strollers, knowing that it was something we’d get a lot of use out of. After reading reviews and blogs by lots of parent travelers, we registered for–and received–the Maclaren Mark II. It’s only 7 lbs, collapses with one hand, and can be carried over-the-shoulder with the ease of a large umbrella.

We LOVE it! Technically, Finn shouldn’t use it until he’s 6 months, but after giving it a test-run at home, we were confident that he’d be just fine. And he was! He seemed super comfy and very happy. Is it the sturdiest stroller? The most comfortable? The one with the most storage capabilities? The prettiest? No. But it’s the best thing we could find for traveling, and that’s what we needed.

We also had to take our car seat, since we planned to rent a car the entire time. Plus, we had to have it for the cab ride to and from the airport. There was LOTS of deliberation about whether we should rent another, gate check ours, keep it for the plane, etc. Eventually, since we knew Finn would never sit in it during the plane ride, anyway (he HATES his car seat), we decided to check it with baggage.

I know many people advise against doing this, but we decided it was worth the risk. Sona and I just can’t possibly travel as much as we do, carrying a baby, a stroller, a car seat, a diaper bag, a purse, and who knows what else through airports all over the globe. So, we bought a very nice, padded car seat carrier, and we took our chances.

On the way there, the car seat was lost, which caused a few hours of panic, but it was returned to us–in great condition–later that evening.

We also carried on our diaper bag, a backpack (used for my laptop, our jackets, and the Baby K’tan), and a tote bag (for wallets, phones, snacks, Xanax, etc.). (I’m kidding about the Xanax–maybe.) The diaper bag and the tote bag both looped over the stroller handles, which meant that we didn’t really have to carry that much, at all.

All in all, it was MUCH easier than we thought it would be. All of it. Getting to the airport. Checking all of our stuff. Getting through security (though that was the biggest PIA). Flying.

Finn couldn’t have been better behaved, especially since–on the day we flew out–he had about 6 hours less sleep than usual.

We flew Southwest to New Mexico, and the flight attendants were all super accommodating and kind. Both flights (we had a layover) were full. So, we didn’t end up with a free seat, but we made do. Sona nursed Finn during take-off and landing to help with ear pressure, and he mostly napped while in flight. Honestly, Sona and I were much worse for wear than he was.

In New Mexico, we played it pretty low-key, spending most of the days lounging, eating, and chatting with Sona’s family. Finn was his usual self, and the change in scenery didn’t seem to phase him.

We stayed in Sona’s brother’s hotel and had a roomy 2-bedroom suite. He got us a crib, but it was so low that I couldn’t even reach into it. So, Finn slept in the middle of a king-size bed, surrounded by a towel bumper, the whole week. He didn’t wake up once–NOT ONCE. We couldn’t believe how well he slept, considering it was all completely new to him.

He napped really well at Sona’s mom’s house, too–also, in the middle of a bed.

Throughout the week, Finn enjoyed the non-stop attention of family. He also enjoyed the diaper-less playtime that Sona’s Indian family strong-armed us into trying. He only peed on the floor every ten minutes. And his face. He may have peed on his face, too.

The way back was easier than the way there, mostly because we had a later flight and were more rested. We flew American Airlines back to Chicago, and we even managed to score a free middle seat on the flight from Dallas to home. That was a MAJOR bonus and such a luxury. Finn slept in the seat for most of that flight.

If we were rich, we’d probably buy him a seat each time, as it was much, much more comfortable for all of us. Since we’re not, we’ll just tough it out–whatever allows us to have more vacations. 🙂

And, aside from a minor blip wherein a flight attendant tried to shame us for changing Finn in our seats, the trip back was as uneventful as the trip there.

Finn was a tad bit fussier than normal the first couple days home, but I think that was just his transitioning back to a more regular schedule. And, considering how well he did while we were gone, I don’t think we can complain.

All in all, our first trip–and our first flights–went much better than either of us anticipated. I think it quelled a lot of worries we both had about how we’d keep up our busy travel schedules with a baby in tow.

His baby passport should be arriving any day, and we plan to put it to good use. We’ll be a little more confident–and not just naively ambitious–about planning trips, now.

Here are some Insta snaps of our trip:

Untitled-1

Happy 2016–Some Family Goals for the Year!

1 / 4 / 161 / 5 / 16

We rang in 2016 on the couch. In our pajamas. With cheap champagne and gummi bears. Just like any new parents would! (To be honest, I’m impressed that we made it to midnight.)

KS9A7555

Actually, it was perfect.

Now, we’re visiting Sona’s family in New Mexico. More on that, later.

It was bittersweet to see 2015 end. In many ways, it was an unexpectedly challenging year. The stress of a baby coming hit us hard in a lot of ways. We searched furiously–and in vain–to buy a larger home. (We’re still looking.) My father was diagnosed with laryngeal cancer, and I was overseeing his treatment–which was rough–from across the country. There was some family drama (isn’t there always?). Sona had very little time away from work, as she saved all of her PTO for maternity leave. Our marriage sometimes struggled under the weight of all the stress.

But, in ways that will, in the long run, outshine the challenges, 2015 was a year for the books. It goes without saying that the best part of the year was having Finn. I’ve waxed poetic about how much light he’s brought to our lives, before. So, I’ll spare you the sentimentality, today.

We have high hopes for 2016, too. And though we aren’t usually the type to make–or keep–resolutions, it is nice to pencil in some goals for the year. Just some things to keep in the back of our minds–some things to guide us.

So, here are some hopes and wishes and pipe dreams for 2016:

Buy a house in Andersonville. No, we will not leave our neighborhood. Yes, we realize that narrows our search radius to about 6 square blocks. Yet, we believe we can find the right place (and we hope it happens, soon)! We’re tired of grandparents sleeping on an air mattress in our living room.
Travel more than we were able to in 2016–with Finn! We are travelers at heart, and I crave adventure more than just about anything else (except maybe donuts). Last year, we had a great babymoon in the Caribbean, a short trip to NOLA, and I got to visit Sona’s little sister while she was away for a semester in Merida, Mexico. However, we had to majorly scale back travel, both because of Sona’s pregnancy and because her maternity leave sucked up all of her time off. I hope we can start making up for that, this year. We already have a trip to Virgin Gorda planned for March, and we’re looking at summer trip, too.
Cook more homemade Indian food. Okay, this one is mostly just for me. Because, let’s be honest, Sona hasn’t cooked a meal in the 15 years we’ve been together. (No, I’m not kidding.) But being with her family in New Mexico has made me realize how much we love homemade Indian food, and I want to expand my repertoire. First up: batata poha!
Worry less. If we’ve had resolutions in past years, it’s always been some version of this. I guess we’re still working on it. 🙂 Sona and I are both bad about getting caught up, stressing about clothes that need cleaned (her) or to-do lists that seem to keep growing (me). We are, each in our own ways, worrywarts. Sona’s frequent worries: Is the house clean enough? Are we spending too much money? How am I going to finish all of this laundry? Is Finn’s toe broken/head flat/eye swollen? Should we be in a better place–have a bigger house, drive nicer cars–than we are in? Mine: Do I deserve my job? Am I a good enough wife/mom/professor/photographer/blogger/writer? What if I’m missing out? Am I doing what I’m supposed to be doing? Will I regret not climbing the mountain/moving to the islands/quitting my job and becoming a travel writer? Is it (everything) good enough? Are we making the right decisions for Finn? You get the idea. We are, in many ways, our own worst enemies. If we stopped listening to the voices in our heads, we’d be a lot happier.
Put our marriage first. Every book or blog you read for new parents warns you about how hard it is to maintain a relationship in the year following the birth of a new baby, and we figured that out for ourselves pretty quickly. We didn’t prioritize our marriage this year, and we are going to try to do better in 2016. To help, we’re committing to date night ever other weekend. It’s a start!
Be the kind of people we want our son to emulate. Nobody is perfect, Sona and I included. But there are specific things that each of us want to work on–ways that we want to try to be better people, for ourselves and for Finn. A lot of that has to do with changing our perspectives and focusing more on the positive.
Get serious about a game-plan for baby #2. I’m just going to leave this one right here.
Start working out, again. For a while, we were doing really good about going to the gym regularly, and we both felt better as a result. It’s not about being skinny, and I really hate the thin-obsessed dogma that you see circulating this time of year. We just want to be able to eat more donuts without feeling quite as guilty about it. It’s been tough to find the time for working out with Finn around, but we’re going to try.
Take the 365 day DSLR challenge, starting February 1st. As a photographer, I’m always taking pictures. With Finn, though, I find myself just taking quick snaps with my iPhone. Those phone snaps are nice to have, too, but I’d really like to be better about capturing higher-quality photos of him, especially since he’s growing and changing so quickly. So, starting February 1st. I’m going to challenge myself to take one photo each day with my DSLR.
Find balance. This is more of a life-long, never really going to reach, kind of goal, isn’t it? But I go back to work next week, and I think it’s going to be a little tricky, trying to transition out of the maternity leave bubble and transition Finn into his nanny share situation. We’ve only just gotten our routine down, and it’s about to change pretty dramatically. I hope we get to a place where we don’t feel like we’re constantly chasing our tails–a place where we can breathe, let go, and appreciate the joy.