Month: March 2018

Trip Report: Exuma, Part 2

Cramming a week of fun on Exuma into two blog posts hasn’t been easy. I shared our first batch of photos on Tuesday, and today I’m sharing the rest. We did so much exploring on the island–hitting up something new each day–that it’s hard to recap it all. Even still, just last night, we found out about another beach that we missed. “Damn!” I exclaimed as Sona snuggled in beside me in bed. “Turns out, we missed a really beautiful beach in Exuma.”

Ah, well. We’ll just have to go back, won’t we? 😉

My parents spent a morning diving while we were on the island. (Truth be told, this was one of Exuma’s pitfalls. We’re not really sure if it is because Exuma just isn’t a great diving location or because there is only one dive shop on the island and they were, shall we say, not exactly thorough, cautious, or conscientious of the divers. Still, even with a lackluster dive experience, my parents have said they want to go back.)

While they dove, Sona, Finn, and I took off to find Hooper’s Bay, which is a semi-hidden beach that boasts a large turtle population. It took 30 minutes of turning around, stopping in local shops to ask for directions, and trespassing in order for us to find the location. And even though it was a windy and choppy day, meaning visibility wasn’t great, we were still so happy to have found this little bay, which was beautiful.

Like most places we ventured in Exuma, we had the whole beach to ourselves.

This photo may not look like much, but I’ll always love it because Finn waited for me at the end of the pier, holding his hand out, asking “You need help, Momma?” (I’m still hobbling a bit from an ankle injury a month ago.)

There were quite a few photo-ops, as you can tell.

That night, we went to Blu on the Water for dinner, which is right in Georgetown and only a 5 minute drive from where we stayed. It was probably my favorite dining experience. The food was good–not the best we had, but quite good–but it was the view that made it so unique. The restaurant juts over a dock, and we saw a couple of sea turtles, a huge ray, and 3-4 sharks circling right under where we sat. Finn really loved watching the animals, and the atmosphere is unparalleled.

Mimi, showing Finn the sharks. (I might have said “Make sure you hold him tight!” a thousand times.)

On Wednesday, we decided to take the water taxi to Chat N Chill, which is a restaurant/beach hang out/bar on Stocking Island, just a 10-15 minute ride from Great Exuma. It’s one of Exuma’s best know spots, as it is the kind of lively beach bar at which you could easily drink away a day–or seven. We arrived early, wanting to beat the crowds, and the place was pretty quiet.

It was great to get Finn out on the water again, which he loves, and I think he enjoyed playing around the beach at Chat N Chill more than any of us.

He made a few island kitty friends while we were there.

He drank a strawberry daiquiri, rolled in the sand, and danced, enthusiastically, to the Caribbean music blaring in the background.

Since the restaurant was on island time–like everything in the Carib–and wouldn’t start serving until later in the afternoon, we decided to only stay a couple of hours and then head out and try to hit up another beach.

Enter what I’m pretty sure all of us would say was our favorite experience in Exuma: searching for sand dollars at Coco Plum beach during low tide. Holy moly–that place is a living, breathing Windows screensaver circa 1998. That is to say: you MUST go.

If you do, make sure you go right at low tide–the lower, the better. That is when the water retreats and gives way to the most gloriously shallow, clear sandbars you’ve ever seen, and you can practically walk to neighboring islands.

Because of that phenomenon, the spot is perfect for searching for sand dollars, which we did. We found 10 in just 20-30 minutes; I’ve never even found 1 on any other beach before!

For some reason, Finn was a little ocean shy this trip. In Grand Cayman, he loved playing in the water. This time, he preferred the pool. However, Coco Plum was so clear and calm, even he ventured out with us, and I’m so glad we all got to experience it together.

You can’t really tell, but we are a good 50 yards off of shore, here.

Coco Plum also has Insta-worthy swings in the water, which even though they need some TLC, make for a lot of fun (and good photos).

Our last day, we spent a lot of time at February Point, playing in the pool and exploring the property. We also hit up two beaches that were left on our list: Jolly Hall and Tropic of Cancer.

Tropic of Cancer is probably Exuma’s most well-known beach–and for good reason. It’s just a never-ending expanse of white sand and water that is dang-near neon blue.

We’d made a stop early in the week, just to take a peek at it, but we didn’t stay. I’m glad that we urged ourselves out of our poolside beach chairs just in time to hit it up once more before sunset on our last day.

 

I think it’s pretty clear that we all fell in love with Exuma–Finn included. There’s so much of the world to see, and Sona and I aren’t the kind of people who like going to the same place twice for that reason, but I have a sneaking suspicion that we may just break that rule to see Exuma, again.

Trip Report: Exuma, Part 1

We’ve been back from Exuma for 4 days, and I think we’re all still secretly hoping to wake up and be right back on that island. Finn is constantly asking, “I go on holiday?” Needless to say, he’s struggling with returning to “real life” as much as the rest of us.

Exuma is a collection of outlying islands in the Bahamas, and we chose that location for a few reasons: 1. It is a relatively quick flight from Miami (just 45 minutes); 2. It was relatively Zika-free at the time we booked and was actually taken off the Zika list in early February; 2. SWIMMING PIGS! We’ve been seeing the photos of their famous swimming pigs everywhere, lately, and we knew that’d be a fun adventure with Finn.

The other thing we really liked about Exuma, which has quickly risen to the top of our favorite Carib islands (we’ve been to 10; Finn has been to 4), is that it is very undeveloped. I’m talking it has one road and just a handful of restaurants. No high rises. Hardly anyone on the beaches. Nothing to do after dark. And that’s totally our speed.

We have so many photos from our trip. This is the first of two posts I’ll do, and it highlights our first few days on the island. Here it goes:

We arrived at 1:22, which is the benefit of waking up at 2AM. The travel day was remarkably easy, as someone seemed to have kidnapped our toddler and replaced him with a happy, easy-going traveler who didn’t seem to mind having virtually no sleep.

As soon as we arrived at our villa at February Point, which is a gated community on the island and is in a great location, we hit the beach. (We always prefer renting to staying in a hotel, and we never do big resorts.)

It quickly became clear that Finn is a TOTAL beach bum, just like his Momma. He was meant to be an island boy (something we hope to make a reality, someday). He LOVES the sand. I mean, he literally rolls in it. And who can resist a sandy baby bum? Not me.

We decided to book a half-day excursion to experience some of the stuff on the various smaller islands of the Exumas. Exuma consists of dozens of small islands, and you have to get out on the water to see some of them while you’re there.

Finn did great on the boat trip we did in Cayman last August. So, we felt confident that he’d do well, again. Sona and I briefly toyed with the idea of doing the excursion on our own, leaving Finn with our parents, but then we realized it just wouldn’t be as fun without him. I’m so glad we decided to take him. Once again, he was nearly perfect, and he loved the trip, despite the fact that it was rainy and windy.

As I mentioned before, Exuma is known for its famous swimming pigs. So, we had to see them! They are SO BIG. I mean, like larger than a really hefty man. It was a little intimidating, but we happened upon them at the same time that there was a huge litter of piglets. So, we got plenty of less-intimidating piggy interaction.

This little guy was the runt, and I wanted to bring him home.

My parents came on the trip with us. We love traveling with them, and we did so even before Finn. Now, though, having extra hands makes international travel with a toddler a lot easier.

We also went to a little cay that had a large iguana population. Finn was super excited about all of the “little dinosaurs,” which he fed grapes and chased around. He had NO fear, which actually made me a little nervous, but we managed to escape with all of our fingers and toes. (These guys are actually pretty docile.)

One of the downsides of the island is that, because it’s so sleepy, there’s not a ton of restaurants. It’s not a foodie destination, like Turks and Caicos, for example, but we did find some good eats. Our favorites were Shirley’s at the Fish Fry, Blu on the Water, and Big D’s Conch Spot, which is pictured below. We also had a private chef come cook local food for us a couple of nights, which we loved. (Make sure to find Chef Ann, if you ever head to Exuma yourself!)

Finn pretty much lived on fruit punch and frozen drinks. Oh, well.

We also spent a lot of time at the pool near our villa, as that was Finn’s favorite spot.

Okay, maybe I survived on fruity drinks, too.

Exuma boasts some of the most beautiful beaches we’ve seen in all of our travels–and the bluest water we’ve seen anywhere. We loved exploring the island, finding little hidden beaches. Forbes Hill was one of our favorites, and we had the entire place to ourselves. (Other must-try beaches: Coco Plum and Tropic of Cancer.)

Can you even believe the color of this water?

Santana’s is one of the best eateries on the island, and the operate without any power–amazing! They are very close to Forbes Hill. So, hitting up both makes for the perfect day. They also are on another gorgeous stretch of beach, which you could, happily, send a day at.

More Exuma photos, coming soon!

Please Don’t Tell My Son to “Be a Man”

Be strong. Be brave. Be kind. These are all things I’m okay with your saying to my son.

Be tough. Man up. Don’t be a pussy. Be a man. These things? That’s a hard no.

I’ve thought a lot about how, as two moms, we’ll model masculinity for Finn–and for our next son, too. It weighs heavily on me, always, as I’ve internalized so much of what our society says about the importance of manhood. I think about the fact that Finn doesn’t have a dad (something about which another blog post is brewing), and I wonder how that will impact his ability to grow into a man.

This is ridiculous, I know. Most of the ridiculousness stems from the fact that the educated side of me–the kinda woke side of me–knows that our perception of manliness is almost entirely a social construct. When I wonder whether Finn will be a man, what I’m really worrying about is whether his expressions of manliness will align with what is perceived as normative. I’m asking, “Will he fit the mold?”

Still, even with my own gender biases, which I’m not proud of, I’m hyper-aware of how other people approach Finn’s masculinity. This is partly because I’m a mother of a boy in a very damaged culture. It’s partly because I recognize that, since Finn has two moms, some folks are hyper-vigilant, looking for any signs that his masculinity is, in some way, being suppressed.  And it’s largely because of what happened in Parkland, FL, recently, and what happens all too often in a country when perceptions of masculinity become toxic.

Toxic masculinity is a term that elicits confirmational head nods from some and skeptical eye rolls from others. I’m no sociologist. So, I think that trying to explain the theory underlying toxic masculinity is beyond my purview–both as a blogger and as a mom.

And yet, here is what I do understand: When we tell little boys, repeatedly, to man up–to be a man–that is loaded and coded language. What are we really saying, when we say those things? And, perhaps more importantly, what are they really hearing?

Here is what I hear when someone says be a man:

  • your current behavior, whatever it is, doesn’t align with my expectations of manhood;
  • a “man” doesn’t cry;
  • a “man” doesn’t express emotions or vulnerability;
  • if you allow yourself to feel vulnerable, you are weak;
  • weakness is shameful;
  • you should overcome your weakness by regularly and firmly expressing your power;
  • you should behave like a man, you should not behave like a woman;
  • women are vulnerable, weak, emotional beings;
  • you are better than women;
  • if you’re a real man, prove it;
  • you wouldn’t want people to think you are like a woman, would you?

Of course, there’s a lot more to it than that. And I’m not trying to vilify anyone who has ever used this phrase. I think intentions, often, are innocuous. But impact? Impact can be difficult to measure, and it’s something we must think about, especially when it comes to our kids.

Here’s what I think we must acknowledge: something is broken about the way we raise our boys. In an era of #metoo movements and mass shootings on a near daily basis, which both provide a clear lens into the many insidious ways in which men, almost exclusively, are the perpetrators; when we have a President who jokes about grabbing pussy and bears virtually no consequences for that kind of language, which he uses regularly; when victims of homophobic hate crimes are more often male than female; when gang violence becomes a rite of passage for urban boys; when we chastise men for crying but respond with “boys will be boys” when they are cruel or violent; when mental health treatment is stigmatized for men, especially, because admitting any struggle, as a man, is admonished; when we buy young boys tools and toy guns and young girls dolls and princess dresses; when we laugh when boys are rough and chide girls who are too bossy; when we say to someone who is only two–who asks for Skittles for breakfast and insists on having a sock monkey on him at all times and who likes to shower with Momma and play with make-up brushes sometimes and who, without any guidance or pressure, exhibits such tender kindness to others on a regular basis–when we say  be a man,  we are doing harm. There is an impact, there–one that is often underscored by innumerable comments, gestures, implicit and explicit messages–and one that amasses over a lifetime.

We spend a lot of time talking about gun control after mass shootings, as we should. It should be very, very difficult for a man who is angry and vulnerable–and one who wishes to express his frustrations through violence–to get a gun.

But we also have to ask ourselves: why are so many men angry and vulnerable and frustrated? Why are so many men resorting to violence?

As a mom, it is my responsibility to protect my son. I don’t do that with a gun. I do that by telling him: It’s okay to cry. Everyone feels sad sometimes. You don’t always have to be strong.

I do that by making sure that no on ever tells him to be a man.