To My Son’s Soon-to-Be Daycare Provider

Hello,

We haven’t actually met yet, but in just five days, you’ll assume responsibility for our precious 5 month old son, Elias.

I just spent a chunk of the morning filling out the numerous in-take forms your employer requires, answering dozens of questions about our sweet baby boy: What time does he wake? (Between 7:30-8AM.) Where does he prefer to nap? (In bed, next to me.) How do I show him affection? (Hugs, kisses, cuddles.) How would I prefer for you to show him affection? (Hugs, kisses cuddles.) How much does he eat? What makes him cry? What makes him feel comforted? The list goes on.

Still, despite the very thorough questionnaires, there’s so much I still want to tell you–so much I need for you to know.

I need you to know that this is our last baby–our last boy. I am in the final days of what might very likely be the last extended stretch of time that I ever have to be just a mom. Not an employee. Not a colleague. Not a team player. Not a committee member or an advisor or a coordinator. Just a momma. That thought guts me a bit. Okay, it guts me a whole heck of a lot.

You see, here’s the thing: I love my job. I love having a job. I love serving and contributing and thinking in ways that motherhood doesn’t allow. I know that I need my work–and that I am more than a momma. But on days like this, weeks like this–dare I say, years like this?–I wonder if I don’t need my boys more.

When I go back to work on Monday, my office will look exactly as it did when I left six months ago. My boys? They do not. They are different people entirely, and the rapid pace at which they are changing isn’t going to slow down anytime soon. Not for me. Not for my job.

I need you to know that, on many days, you’ll likely see me hurried and frazzled. I’ll be dragging a toddler in on one hand and lugging a car seat that I can barely lift with the other. I’ll have to change shoes and remove coats and remember bottles and blankets and loveys. I’ll probably be running late, as I almost always am now, and I’ll practically toss you our sweet baby boy from afar and rush out the door without so much as a goodbye.

You’ll think I was ready to hand him off. You’ll think I wanted an escape. (Some days, you’ll be right.) But mostly, especially in the beginning, I’ll be running to my car to cry.

I need you to know that, in the coming months, I will become better at math–something I haven’t had a knack for in the past. But I will spend an inordinate amount of time quantifying, crunching the numbers. I will calculate that you get to spend 8 hours a day with my son, and I only get 4. I will calculate that you get 5 days, and I get 2. I will figure out that we pay most of my paycheck and far more than our mortgage to have someone else take care of our children. I will total the time–years–lost, and I will know that I’ll never get that time back. I will try very hard not to be angry and resentful about this, but I’ll fail.

I’ll do a cost-benefit analysis constantly. I’ll never be able to figure out whether the cost is worth the benefit–or whether there’s any benefit at all.

Believe me when I say that I’m not complaining about how much you make. I want you to make more.

I am SO thankful.

What else can I do for you? Can I bake you cookies? Paint your nails? The work you are doing–the service you provide our family–is invaluable. You deserve every single cent–and likely much more.

So, when you hear me–and likely other parents, too–complain about the cost, please know that we don’t mean the cost of your exhausting, loving service. We are talking about a bigger cost, ultimately, and it’s one that is part of a system that isn’t really sustainable, I don’t think. We are probably all plotting our escape.

I need you to know, also, that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you have to do this work. I’m sorry that you probably leave your kids so that you can watch mine. I’m sorry that you usually see me at my worst, and that the expectations are so high. I’m sorry that I’m not a more present employee–or that I don’t make more sacrifices for my job. I’m sorry that having a job often means I’m not a more present mother and that my boys don’t always see the best of me, either. I’ll think about how many BMs my baby has had while in very important meetings, and I’ll think about the very important meetings while I rock my baby to sleep.

I spend so much time being sorry and feeling guilty that there’s hardly time left for anything else. That’s a product of the system, also.

But there’s little things I want you to know, too. Like that Elias is most ticklish on his lower back, just under his ribs. And that he will stare you down if you don’t give him a taste of what you’re eating. He likes to sleep on his belly but eat on his back. His hands will always stink, but the back of his neck is delicious. He will break his neck to look at your phone screen (guilty for that, too), and he’s convinced he can talk. There are no diapers that will ever properly fit his chunky thighs, and that will lead to quite a few messes, I’m afraid. He practically never cries, but if he does, just find his brother. That’s his favorite person in the entire world.

As for me? My favorite people in the whole wide world are my sons. Each day, I have to leave them. But each evening, thanks to you, I come back to find them happy and full and rested and ALIVE.

I wish there was truly a way to have it all, but that kind of balance doesn’t exist. Maybe, one day, I’ll find it. In the meantime, we’re in this together, and I needed you to know how much that means.

Love, Elias’s Momma

Toddler Gift Guide

11 / 20 / 1811 / 20 / 18

Christmas with toddlers is THE best. Each year, Finn understands the holiday more and more, and this year is the most excited he’s been. He’s been asking “is it Christmas tomorrow?” for a month. He’s also totally caught on to the whole Santa-is-a-guy-who-brings-you-presents thing, because he says “tell Santa I want this” ten times a week.

Last year, Santa went hog-wild. (We’ll blame it on him, anyway.) And between my parents and ourselves, Finn was spoiled rotten. This year, we decided to game-plan early on and make a conscious effort to scale back. Though, in collecting this gift guide of things we’ve purchased for him, I’m beginning to wonder just how successful we were at setting limits.

Still, here are the things that Finn will find under the tree–gifts from Momma and Mommy, Elias, Mimi and Pops, and Santa. I worked to find things that I really think he will play with regularly–and toys that will allow him to have lots of imaginary play, which he loves.

Also, I’m not doing a list for Elias because, if we’re being honest, he will probably get lots of Finn’s old baby toys for Christmas. Sorry, kid. We’ll do better by you next year, once you’re no longer a clueless, drooling (albeit smiley) little blob.

Finn’s Christmas loot:

1. Learning Resources Color Bug Catcher

I saw this on Instagram and thought it was the perfect educational game for a toddler. Finn loves bugs, and I love everything by Learning Resources!

2. Dino Egg Dig Kit

I scored a good deal on this on Amazon. Finn loves dinos, breaking stuff open, and anything hands-on. So, I think these will be fun for him, and we can do 2 or 3 at a time.

3. Melissa & Doug Wooden Blocks

I was worried that Finn was too old for wooden blocks and that we’d missed the boat on that one. However, after asking around, lots of moms said that their block sets were well-loved for many years. This is a great basic set. I saw a friend’s kid playing with it recently, and the blocks are large and sturdy.

4. Hape Wooden Railway Busy City Set

Finn got a train table and lots of accessories for his birthday a year ago, and he plays with his trains every single day. Lately, he spends at least an hour every evening playing with his tracks. This set is the exact same one they have for kids to play with at the toy store in our ‘hood, and Finn loves it. He said “I don’t have bridges like this!” So, kiddo, you’re getting your bridges.

5. Thomas Mini Train Case

We got him the Thomas mini train advent calendar this year, which means he will acquire 25 new trains and need somewhere to store them. This case is cute and cheap–win, win! Mommas like anything that keeps toys organized.

6. Little Pretender Karaoke Machine

If you follow us on Insta, you know how much Finn loves music–and always has. He sings and dances every night before bed. I think he will get a kick out of being able to ham it up, singing his favorite tunes, with this toddler-friendly karaoke set.

7. Bruder Tow Truck

It just wouldn’t be Christmas if Finn didn’t get something with wheels. Honestly, every time I’ve asked him what Santa should bring him, he’s said some sort of truck. When we saw Santa at the mall this past weekend, Finn told him he wanted a “crane,” by which I’m pretty sure he meant a tow truck. Last Christmas, he got the Bruder fire truck, and it’s one of his favorite toys. Despite the fact that he needs another truck like he needs a hole in the head, we want to give him something that we know he will be uber excited about, and Bruder trucks are really well made. He is going to lose his little toddler mind when he sees this under the tree, and isn’t that the point?

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Trip Report: Sintra, Portugal

10 / 30 / 18

Sintra is the place we spent the least amount of time and, perhaps, the one that left the most lasting impression. We’ve been home nearly two weeks, now, and Sona has mentioned it almost every single day since.

To be honest, Sintra wasn’t on our radar when we landed in Portugal. It wasn’t until were searching for things to do while in Lisbon that we stumbled upon (like a million) recommendations to do a day trip to Sintra. Then, once we read about it once, everyone started mentioning it: waiters, Uber drivers. “Are you going to visit Sintra?” was a question we were asked at least a half a dozen times. So, we did.

Because we wanted good weather, we saved our visit to Sintra until the last day of our vacation. I spent hours researching how to get there, what we should do once there, and all sorts of little details, as the historic town is enchanting, but it’s also a little trick to get around. It’s full of small, winding one-way streets, and transportation can be daunting.

We took the CP train to Sintra from the Rossio train station, which is in central Lisbon and was only a 5 minute walk from our AirBnB. Because it’s a local train, you can’t buy tickets ahead of time. It runs every 50 minutes or so. We got there, expecting to hop on, and found a line of around 150 people waiting to buy tickets to Sintra. (Apparently, this is always the case, as Sintra is a UNESCO world heritage site and a frequent stop for tourists.) In hindsight, we should’ve gotten to the station early in the morning, which would have helped us to avoid the crowds. Still, after a 30 min wait, we got our inexpensive tickets and boarded the train 15 minutes before it departed. It was PACKED; I had to stand the whole trip.

It’s about a 40 minute ride to Sintra, which is the last stop on the train line. You’ll know when you’re there because every other passenger will get off the train with you. If you can, try to sit near the front of the train, as you have to scan your ticket to leave the station at Sintra, and the que was pretty long and hectic.

Once you get out of the station, you will be bombarded by tuk tuks and tour guides, asking if you want to do a guided tour. We opted not to. Instead, we walked 5 minutes and had coffee and lunch at Saudade, which is a cafe dating back to the 1800s and, quite possibly, the sweetest place I ever did see. We ate pastries and galao, which is a Portugese latte, and ordered delicious sandwiches to pack away for our day, which were only a couple dollars each. I could have sat there all day, and it was surprisingly peaceful.

After that, we hopped in our first Uber of the day and headed to Quinta de Regaleira. It’s a private estate turned park, complete with secret grottos, mossy caves, waterfalls, tiny castles, chapels, fountains, and more charm than you’ve ever seen. It’s like stepping into a fairytale, which is what everyone told us about Sintra, and they were right. We bought our tickets at the entrance and got in quickly.

It took us all of 5 minutes to realize that we’d made a really grave mistake in only spending one day in Sintra. The truth is, we could’ve spent one day at any of the attractions we visited in Sintra (Quinta la Regaleira, Pena Palace, the village), and we still would have missed most of what the town has to offer. I don’t think we’ve ever visited a place and left so certain that we must return. Sona has been plotting our romantic getaway to Sintra since the second we got on the train back to Lisbon.

But, back to the gardens, they were MAJESTIC, and it’s a great place for kids. You just wander and wander, finding secret spots and hidden tunnels, as there isn’t a linear pathway through the grounds. We spent a couple of hours and didn’t see half of it, but we left, regrettably, because we knew we wanted to see Pena Palace, which was our next stop.

We got another Uber to Pena, but we realized we should’ve gone there first, as may of the attractions are along a 16-mile, one-way loop, and we ended up having to go back around the entire circle just to get to Pena. Still, it was a beautiful drive.

Folks had warned us that, to get to Pena, you’d have to drive up a very steep hill (re: mountain). Then, once you get through the gates, we’d have to walk and even steeper hill, which takes about 15 minutes, to access the palace. I was a little worried about that trek, as I’m not the most fit person on the planet, and I was prepared to pay any amount of money to get a tram or a tuktuk up to the top. However, after entering the gates (tip: purchase your Pena Palace tickets online the night before to avoid lines), Sona convinced me to make a go of it, and we did.

A lot of sweating and complaining and heavy breathing later, we made it to the top. Finn ran the whole way, of course, and didn’t bat an eye. When the trees cleared and we saw what awaited us–a brightly colored, ornate palace that rivals the stuff of dreams–we knew the walk had been worth it.

This is where I am totally honest with you and admit that, although our day in Sintra was magical, Finn struggled quite a bit. It was our last day of vacation. He was tired. We had to forgo nap to do the day trip, and he wasn’t in the best spirits. So, while we were surrounded by some of the most beautiful vistas we’d ever seen, we spent a lot of time bribing our cranky threenager with Jolly Ranchers just to get him through the day. By the time we got to the palace, he was on the verge of a breakdown, and it did get in the way of our enjoying it as much as we should’ve. One of the many reasons we want to go back.

Still, we drug him along, Jolly Ranchers as bait, and made our best efforts to experience as much of the palace as possible. Like the gardens earlier, it was painfully clear that we’d only be able to scrape the surface, as it was already early evening, and we had to get the train back to Lisbon before nightfall.

What can I say about Pena Palace that will make you understand how breathtakingly beautiful and surreal it was? Probably nothing. Instead, I’ll just post a bunch of pictures and implore you to get yourself to Sintra–maybe without a tired 3 year old–as quickly as possible.

We’d intended to make it to the historic village and wander through the little town, but time didn’t allow for it. We were pretty bummed that the day slipped away so quickly, and that we’d have to miss the town, but that is just more motivation to make it back there again–and soon.

In the meantime, here are some photos, which don’t even begin to tell the full story of that wonderful, wander-full place.

Trip Report: Lisbon, Portugal

10 / 25 / 1810 / 25 / 18

After a week in Alvor, we hopped on the train from Portimao to Lisbon, which takes 3-4 hours and has one quick transfer (which, admittedly, was a bit stressful with all of our heavy luggage and the kiddos). The train ride itself was actually really restful, and the trains in Portugal were, like much of Europe, clean, quick, and reliable.

We got to Lisbon at around noon on a Saturday, and our AirBnB host messaged us to let us know that our apartment was ready early, which was a relief, as Finn was more than ready for a nap, as were we all. We had to leave Alvor pretty early, and we were exhausted.

We checked into what is likely the most kid-friendly, well-run AirBnB in the world, which was right on the border of both the Chiado and Barrio Alto neighborhoods of Lisbon; it ended up being the perfect location, despite the fact that we were on the 3rd floor of a very narrow and steep walk-up.

In Lisbon, we had a relatively short list of must-sees (and a relatively long list of must-eats). By then, it was clear that Finn was struggling a bit with the time change and the schedule shift. So, we really wanted to make it easy for ourselves. Our daily plans went something like this: get up, eat pastries, wander, eat snacks, wander, take a nap, wander, eat dinner, eat gelato. To be honest, that’s pretty much the perfect itinerary with kiddos, as the more rigid the schedule and the more you try to pack in, the more likely everyone is going to be cranky.

As it turned out, we were within easy walking distance of a lot of the restaurants we wanted to try and places we wanted to see and, when we needed to venture a bit further, Ubers were plentiful. Just like in Alvor, we relied on them at least a couple of times a day, especially since walking in Lisbon is a bit tricky. It’s known as the “city of seven hills”–and with good reason. It’s like San Francisco on steroids. There are steep hills, staircases with 500+ stairs, very small cobblestone sidewalks (which are slippery, btw), and windy streets everywhere. Whereas Portugal was one of the most kid-friendly places we’ve been, Lisbon is probably the least stroller-friendly city on the planet. Luckily, Finn is a great walker, and Sona wore Elias everywhere in the Ergo.

But as promised, Lisbon–and the whole country–were extremely kid/baby-friendly. If you have a little one, you get to go to the front of the line pretty much anywhere: grocery stores, security lines at airports, museums, etc. And every restaurant we went to–no matter how nice–had families with small children. It just seemed to be a non-issue, which was really nice.

Lisbon is a photographer’s dream and, thusly, I fell in love. It reminded us a lot of Barcelona, which is our other favorite city in the world. It’s old and new–weathered and immaculately beautiful. There’s colorful tile and stucco and charm around every single corner, and each neighborhood has it’s own personality.

It’s also a fantastic city to eat in. The restaurants and cafes and bakeries are plentiful, as are the food halls. We loved grabbing small bites and heading outside to eat in a park or on a bench somewhere. Finn loved the french fries and all of the walking and the trolleys and the tuk tuk and the GELATO–good lord, the gelato. Plus, wine is CHEAP.

Sona and I loved Lisbon so much–and Sintra, which I’ll post about next–that we’re already plotting a return visit. In the meantime, here’s some photos from our time in the city, along with some recommendations.

Our Lisbon Faves and Recommendations:

early in your visit, take a tuk tuk tour with Tuk Tuk Tiejo
visit the LX Factory on one of their outdoor market days
look at the trolleys, but avoid riding them–they are SO busy
visit the TimeOut Market, but try to go during off-hours
go see the Tower of Belem and get the famous custard tarts at Pasteis de Belem
eat at Oficio and Bairro de Avillez and Tartine
get the AYCE tapas at Bairrices; save room for dessert
get gelato at Santini and Sorbettino (we preferred the latter)
Get lunch at Campo de Ourique market and eat it at Jardim da Estrela
explore Barrio Alto (during the day with kids and at night with adults)
get lost in Alfama (but bring your walking shoes)

(I should also note that Lisbon has a lot of more kid-centric stuff to do, including the best aquarium in Europe and a great zoo. However, since we live in Chicago and have access to that stuff all of the time, we try to use vacations as an opportunity to do some things we don’t get to do at home. So, for this trip, we didn’t hit up those spots, but they come highly recommended.)

Trip Report: Algarve, Portugal

10 / 23 / 1810 / 23 / 18

As soon as we knew Sona was pregnant, we begin planning a maternity leave trip. Not only did we have a lot of airline miles to use before they expired, but we also knew that–since Elias is most certainly our last baby–we likely wouldn’t have another extended period of time off again for a long, long time.

So, we started thinking about destinations. Since we travel to the Caribbean a lot, and that doesn’t necessarily feel special, we decided early on to go to Europe, instead, however naive that decision was. When we did some crowd-sourcing, asking about European places that are particularly kid-friendly, folks resoundingly recommended Spain and Portugal. We’ve been to–and love–the former; so, we set our sights on the latter.

While Sona and I could spend weeks wandering through European cities, sitting at cafes and sipping coffee or wine, we knew that our kiddos would require a slower pace and some built-in entertainment that doesn’t necessarily come in a carafe. That led us to Algarve, Portugal’s photo-ready coast. We figured that if we split our time between a beach town and a city, Finn would have plenty to do, and we’d have an excuse to relax by the water for half of the trip.

We landed on Alvor when searching for vacation rentals, as many of the places we liked were in Prainha Village, the largest collection of rentals in Alvor. PV is a resort-like complex, which is itself the size of a small town, and though we typically steer clear of resorts, having the convenience of many pools, restaurants, a grocery store, and fabulous beaches within walking distance was appealing, as we already knew we’d be challenged by traveling so far with the kiddos.

While PV’s prime was likely a couple of decades ago, we still really loved the property. It’s the perfect place for a family, and it was easy. We’re not always the kind of travelers that make decisions for the sake of ease, but again, our goal this trip was to have reasonable expectations and to try, as much as possible, to set ourselves up for a successful, semi-restful time.

Alvor ended up being the perfect home base. We flew into Faro, which was a 45 minute ride away from the little town. Alvor was small and quiet, especially since we missed busy season by a month or so. We could isolate ourselves in our little resort area–where we were frequently the only ones around–or we could take a taxi into town for about $6, which we did most evenings for dinner. (We opted not to rent cars on the trip, either, because we didn’t want to deal with car seats or the stress of driving in a new country. Taxis and Ubers were plentiful, cheap, clean, and friendly. We took them everywhere.)

Our days in Alvor were long and lazy–and the week went by way too fast. Each morning, I went downstairs to the little market where we could buy hot croissants, which we ate on our balcony before heading to the beach or the pool. We played most of the day, soaking up the sun and ignoring nap time more than we should’ve (that caught up to us), and then we’d head into town for a seafood dinner and gelato and an evening stroll through the small fishing town of Alvor.

Though there are dozens of beaches in the Algarve, the little coves at Prainha Village, which are part of Tres Irmaos beach, were the most special we saw. They are private and spectacular and completely disappear at high tide, which means their character changes throughout the day. We finally made it to low tide on our last day at the beach, and it was a totally new landscape: tide pools, exposed rocks, shells galore. From our villa, we were within easy (by “easy” I mean you have to go up and down about 1,000 stairs) walking distance to 3 or 4 great beaches, ranging from rocky coves to wide, sandy stretches.

We also took one day trip to Lagos, which is one of the largest towns in the Algarve, and sampled pastries and even more gelato and explored the city squares, trying to avoid the touristy spots. We also hit up the old fort and had an Uber take us on a tour of the beaches around Lagos, which are in and of themselves worth a trip. Praia de Camilo is particularly stunning and considered one of Portugal’s best beaches–with good reason. We were glad to have experienced Lagos, which has a good deal of charm if you wander away from the tourist shops, but we were happy to retreat back to the little village of Alvor, where we spent a full week before taking the train to Lisbon.

Our Algarve Faves and Recommendations:

AirBnBs are plentiful and CHEAP; Prainha Village has a ton
eat at A Lota in Alvor and get the fresh seafood platter
get lots of gelato at both Tutti and Buono Gelato (Alvor)
visit Tres Irmaos beach during low tide
explore Lagos, but stay somewhere smaller
get pastries at Confeitaria D’alvor (Alvor) and Padaria Central (Lagos)
drink as much Algarve orange juice as you can find, and you’ll find a lot
visit the Atlantic pool, which has a spectacular view, at Prainha Village, even if you aren’t staying there
rent a car or hire an Uber to do a beach tour; make sure you see Praia do Camilo
visit in late September to avoid the crowds but still take full advantage of warm beach weather
eat at Gastropub 13 in Alvor
make reservations for dinners, even when you think the season is slow

Finn Turned 3!

8 / 13 / 18

This past Friday, August 10th, was Finn’s 3rd birthday. How we have already had this little soul in our lives for three full years, I’ll never know.

I would say that, so far, the past year of Finn’s life has been my favorite. Although the terrible twos get a pretty bad rap, we rather enjoyed it. (In fact, for us, one was MUCH harder than two.)

Don’t get me wrong, I love babies, but there is something so special about being able to watch Finn’s little personality blossom. Now, we have full-on conversations, as he is a total Chatty Kathy, and his silly-sweet self is so full of life. Spending time with him is–most of the time–really, really fun.

Like we’ve done every year, we spent his birthday together as a family and did a day of favorites (which, to me, is still better than any kind of party): we woke up to presents and balloons, had sprinkle-laden pancakes, went to the beach, chased seagulls, ate popsicles from the popsicle cart, sat in our dripping swimsuits and ate pizza al fresco, and ended the day with a giant ice cream sundae, which Finn much prefers to cake.

Then, on Saturday, we actually did have a birthday party–Finn’s first. Since Elias has been consuming a lot of our time and attention these past couple of weeks, we wanted to make sure that Finn’s birthday was properly celebrated, and the party did the trick.

Here are a bunch of photos from Finn’s 3rd birthday weekend. I can’t believe we’ve already made it 3 years, but what a wonderful 3 years it has been!

The First 48

8 / 6 / 188 / 6 / 18

I posted all about Elias’s birth story, and this blog picks up where that one left off. Since he was born at 4:03AM, we didn’t actually get up to our hospital room until around 6AM. On the way, they had us drop him off in the nursery for his hearing test, first bath, and other checks. With Finn, I was able to stay with him for this whole process, but the nursery was so full when Elias was born that they didn’t offer to let me stay. And honestly, we were so tired from having been up half of the night that I think we both wanted to get in a little sleep, anyway.

So, not long after we checked into our room, we both fell into a deep sleep for a couple of hours. They brought Elias back to us at around 8AM, and we got up, fed him, and ordered ourselves breakfast.

Mimi came to meet her new grandson not long after, and she spent that first full day in the hospital with us. Elias slept the majority of his first 24 hrs, which is pretty common for newborns. So, since Mimi was there to keep Sona company, I decided to run home for a shower, to take care of the animals, and to pick up a few things.

Since the timing worked out, I decided that I would surprise Finn by picking him up at daycare and taking him to meet his new brother–something we’d all been exciting, but also very nervous, about.

When I walked into his class, he was sitting in his teacher’s lap and crying. She said he’d had a hard day. It wasn’t his normal “I’m being cranky” cry; it was his “I am so sad” cry, and it gutted me. He came up to me and, rather than being excited, he just hugged me and sobbed. Then, he pointed to our family photo on the daycare wall, putting his finger on Sona, and saying “mommy” over and over again. IT WAS THE SADDEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN.

His teacher gave him another one of our family photos to hold, and he refused to let it go. Needless to say, on the way to the hospital, I gave my mom and Sona a heads up that it might be a difficult introduction.

However, as soon as Finn walked into the hospital room and saw both Sona and his baby bro, he lit up. From that second on, he was totally fine, and what I realized is that it was his anxiety about the unknown–where would his mommies go? would we still be a family? would he be abandoned?–was much scarier for him than actually bringing a little brother home with him.

But ever since the second he met Elias, he has been totally enamored. I think we are all surprised, pleasantly, by how well he’s adjusting to having a baby around.

When he walked into the room of the hospital, we made sure–based on advice from friends–that no one was hold Elias. We didn’t want him to see us holding a baby as confirmation that he’d been replaced. Instead, Sona pulled him onto the bed and gave him big hugs. But immediately, he was interested in seeing his little bro.

“Do you want to get up on the bed so that you can get a closer look?” I asked. “Yeah!” he exclaimed.

We even had him sit on the bed for a bit with Elias in his lap, even though he didn’t love it. I think he’s still a little trepidatious about holding him, but he wants to pat him and bring him blankets and show him toys and say, “Hi, Elias!” in the sweetest voice you ever did hear.

We also made sure that “Elias” had a present for Finn–just to soften the blow. It worked like a charm.

We had planned for Mom to take Finn to the mall–his favorite place in the world–after leaving the hospital. We thought that would make it easier to get him to leave and help distract him from leaving us, again. That trick also worked, but as they were about to walk out the door, he asked “Can I see Elias?” once more.

Sona and I only spent one night in the hospital with Elias, as he was born on Tuesday at 4:03AM and we left on Wednesday afternoon. That one night was pretty seamless, though. The hospital staff woke us up more that Elias did.

Even though folks tried to urge us to stay the extra night, we were adamant that we wanted to get home to both of our boys. So, Elias was circumcised at around 10:30 on Wednesday morning, and we were able to leave two hours after that.

Even though we were so excited to head home, our time in the hospital was a great little respite. We had less visitors than last time, and Sona and I spent a lot of quiet time with our new little baby, which was just what we needed.

When I found this little pizza (Elias) shark (Finn) outfit, I knew we had to take him home in it!

It started hailing as we were about the leave the hospital, and there was a moment when I got all Momma Bear and copped an attitude with one of the nurses, so we didn’t get a photo of us as we were leaving, but we took this selfie as soon as we got home–right before we took him inside.

We had about 30 minutes between when we got home and when Finn got home from daycare. We used that time to settle in, introduce Elias to his new home, and feed him.

Finn was SO excited to come home to all of his family. All evening, he watched over his little bro, rushing for a blanket or toy as soon as Elias would start crying.

He also showed him all of his toys, even though Elias wasn’t a very interested audience.

We came home when Elias was only 36 hours old, and we felt so settled that we even cooked dinner that night. The first night of sleep wasn’t quite as smooth as the rest of the transition, though, but I’ll save that story for later.

Elias’s Birth Story

7 / 31 / 187 / 31 / 18

As of right now, Elias is just 6 hours and 10 minutes old, and he’s spent most of that time asleep. (Fingers crossed that his early sleepiness bodes well for good sleep habits later on!)

Sona had been having irregular contractions for several days, but they became more regular on Sunday night, and she contracted every 7-8 minutes all day on Sunday.

Still, when things didn’t seem to be progressing quickly, she decided to go to work yesterday morning. After talking with her OB, though, she scheduled a mid-day appointment to check on the size of the baby, as there was some concern about him getting too large for delivery. (Finn got stuck for quite a bit.)

Sona was so convinced that she was in labor that we approached the OB appointment like the real deal, getting the house ready, loading the car with our hospital bags, and dropping off Sona’s car to our long-time babysitter, who would be responsible for bringing Finn home from school. We also told my mom, Mimi, to get on an airplane.

The OB agreed and, after seeing that Sona was steadily contracting and that her water was so close to bursting that our OB was fearful she’d break the bag by checking dilation, she told us to go across the street and check into labor and delivery–we were having a baby!

We checked in at around 2:30 and immediately got placed into a room. They hooked Sona up to monitors and, not long after, the on-call OB came in to game-plan. Sona was steadily contracting, but the contractions weren’t as regular as they would have liked. Still, the fact that the water was about to break any second (which the on-call doc confirmed, too) and the fact that there were already concerns about baby getting too big was enough to convince the doctor to move forward with labor. She mentioned starting Pitocin, but we decided to hold off.

At around 7:00, Sona went ahead and got her epidural and, because it became clear that contractions weren’t progressing quickly enough, and we decided to go ahead and start Pitocin not long after. Luckily, Sona never really experienced any extreme discomfort. We expected that the water would break quickly, per the doctors’ warnings, and we didn’t want to be in the position of not having time to do an epidural before pushing, so we took the doc’s advice and did it early enough to curtail any discomfort.

The waiting was tough, but the labor wasn’t particularly bad. Once again, Sona never made a peep. Honestly, if you watched the whole thing, you wouldn’t even know that she felt one second of discomfort. She was a total champ.

Luckily, we got to sleep from around 10:00-3:00. At that point, the baby’s heart rate became slightly irregular, and there were a few tense moments when you could tell that the doctor was debating whether or not to take action. Luckily, Elias rallied, and, at 3:30, Sona started pushing.

The whole process was so quiet, calm, and peaceful. I held her leg, took pictures when I could, and did my best to make sure she was okay. I kept thinking, “Are we really having a baby right now?”

Once again, like Finn, Elias’s shoulders had a hard time coming through Sona’s pelvis, but they found their way at 4:03, and he was born pink and screaming–unlike Finn, who was blue and had to be resuscitated.

The docs wanted to get him straight into the hands of the pediatricians, as they were still a little concerned about how much his heart-rate dipped. They cut the cord quickly and whisked him into the little neonatal room adjacent to the birthing suite, where we watched as they checked every finger and toe. Meanwhile, Sona didn’t have a single bead of sweat on her.

After a bit of assessment, they declared Elias healthy and CHUNKY–8.12 pounds and 22”. He’s a big, big boy! He had some limited movement in his left arm, which they think is likely due to his shoulder getting slightly stuck; it already seems to be improving.

Mommy and baby are happy and healthy, and we all feel–for now–surprisingly well-rested. Our little chunky nugget is starting to squirm, and I want to go scoop him up.

I’m so proud of my wife, who is a beast, and I’m so in love with our little piglet. I can’t wait until he meets his big brother. I’ve already told him how much they will love each other–and how much we love them both.

Dear Sona, You’re In Labor

7 / 31 / 187 / 31 / 18

Dear Sona:

It’s 10:49 PM. Today, at around 2:00, while at an OB appointment, our doctor told us to go across the street and check into labor and delivery. “Let’s have a baby!” she said. So, here we are.

You’re sleeping a bit, while you can, and you told me to get some sleep, too. I probably should, but I can’t. Instead, I’m writing to you.

This afternoon, at 2:30, we got placed into a room. At around 3:00, the resident confirmed that your “bag was about to burst.” At 7:45, you got an epidural. Now, you’ve been on a Pitocin drip for nearly an hour in hopes that this whole thing moves along.

It looks like we’re going to have a 7/31 baby. Since that’s the birthday of one of my favorite people in the whole world (shout out, Stephanie!) and Harry Potter, too, apparently, I think that sounds pretty dang good.

But for the past 8 hours, we’ve been in this little hospital room, waiting for our second little boy. Judging by your on-again, off-again labor, he’s clearly going to be another stubborn Leo, but we’ve grown to love that characteristic in our first Leo boy, and I’m sure we’ll love it in this one, too.

While we’ve sat here, waiting, we haven’t turned on the TV or watched videos on our phones, we’ve just talked. We’ve been so calm. You’ve been so calm. (Before we got here, we weren’t so calm. I was frustrated that we had decided to wash all of the couch cushion covers the night before we thought you might go into labor, and you were vacuuming furiously–right up until the second we had to leave the house.) We need to be better about that.

But since we’ve been here, we’ve been a team; we’ve been at our very best. “I don’t think we’ve talked this much in years,” you said a little earlier. “And we probably won’t ever get the chance to talk this much again,” I replied.

I’ll do better with that, I promise.

Right now, though, before life gets really busy and we are so tired that we can’t even function and before you feel like a “milk cow” and we are both completely overwhelmed with caring for our newborn and our toddler and juggling the 10,000 things that all moms have to juggle, I just want to say: thank you for being my partner throughout all of this, and thank you for giving me these boys.

I love you–and our little Leos–more than you will ever, ever know. I wouldn’t want to do this life with anyone else.

xox–D

Day Out with Thomas, 2018

7 / 16 / 18

On Saturday, we went to experience a Day Out with Thomas for the second year in a row. Finn was able to enjoy it so much more this year, and we had a great time.

The forecast said it would be 94 degrees and sunny in Union, IL, where the event took place, and so I really tried to convince Sona not to go. I didn’t want her to go into labor on Thomas–or at all. But Finn has literally been talking about this event for months, ever since we first bought the tickets in early April. So, there was no way I was going to talk Sona out of going. We both wanted to be there for our boy.

Luckily, it was cloudy for most of the morning, and it even drizzled a bit. We welcomed the mist and the cloudiness, as we were just happy to avoid full sun.

Finn was so excited to ride Thomas and Percy, and we were excited to make the most of what will likely be one of our last pre-baby weekend.

Here are a ton of picks, including some last year/this year comparisons!