Like Going From One to Ten

This is what everybody told us when we asked what it was like having a second child. That advice served it’s purpose; it scared us silly.

I’ve been pretty absent on the blog, which is something I’ve apologized for before. I could apologize for things I’ve haven’t checked off of my to-do list or projects I’ve abandoned until I’m blue in the face, and still, I’d need to apologize some more. That’s life with two kids.

When I did some crowd-sourcing on Insta, asking what folks would most like to see me blog about (cause, you know, a mom of two doesn’t have an ounce of creative energy to spare), the question I was asked the most was, “What is life/marriage like after with two kids?”

That was a couple of months ago, now, before I had to return to work, and to be honest, I thought to myself, “I don’t have an exciting answer, because life isn’t tremendously different than it was with just one kiddo.”

Oh, what a naive fool I was, folks.

Maternity leave ended, and I mournfully eased back into my life as a working mom. Elias started daycare. Our “real life” routines began establishing themselves, again. At first, it wasn’t so bad, unless you account for the fact that I broke down in sobs no less than three times during my first day back on campus, which was pretty mortifying.

I started work on a fourth textbook project. I committed to a new personal book project. I assumed some new responsibilities at work. My semester started, and I met 67 new students. Oh, and I am the keeper for my alcoholic father with dementia.

Elias still wasn’t (and isn’t) sleeping through the night. So, while I was deep-breathing through my re-entry, I was also still getting up every 2-4 hours, feeding a crying, perpetually hungry baby. That’s been our nighttime pattern for the past 6.5 months, which means I haven’t sleep through the night–or more than 4-5 hour stretches, on a good night–since Elias was born.

The thing is, I don’t think I really appreciated just how exhausted I was until I was actually expected to perform–to think, to collaborate, to contribute meaningful. It’s amazing how much the knowledge that you can come home after dropping your toddler off at daycare, stay in your pajamas all day, and nap whenever your baby naps can sustain you, even when you’re still really, woefully tired.

So, to answer the question now, after “real life” has started again, and I’m not longer a SAHM: life after two kids is exhausting. I know this is just a season of our lives. I know it’s a stage that will pass too quickly. I know that, one day, I’ll want desperately to be back in this stage, exhaustion and all.

But right now, I feel like I’m barely keeping it together. And by “it,” I mean my sanity, my marriage, my job, and any semblance of an identity outside of being a mom.

There’s good, too. Of course there is. That’s the parenting paradox that other parents know so well. Folks who don’t have kids will read this and think, “See–that’s why I’m never having children.” Folks who have kids will think, “Yep, I get you, sister.”

It’s as good as it is hard. Knowing that Elias is our last baby has made his first months all the more sweet. We’ve loved having him so much, in fact, that there have been more than a few occasions when we’ve questioned whether we’re really done having kids, checking our sperm donor’s supply and crying over the fact that it’s dwindling, quickly, which ultimately makes the decision for us.

And then there’s watching Finn and Elias together, which is enough to make even me want to go get knocked up this very second, despite the fact that none of us would likely survive another baby right now. Finn is an amazing big brother, and watching that part of his personality develop has been a gift.

In fact, if it wasn’t for the exhaustion, and the compounded sense that there will never be enough time and we will never be able to live up to all of our responsibilities, I could pretty honestly tell you that, yeah, life with two kids isn’t all that different than life with one. In fact, adjusting to Elias’s birth was a lot easier than adjusting to Finn’s. We were already parents. We already felt like we had no time of our own. So, that learning curve wasn’t as steep. As I said, in those first five months, it seemed–dare I say–easy.

But the exhaustion is there, an ever-present cloud, greying pretty much everything right now. It makes me a much less likeable person, a less attentive wife, and a less patient mother. Before Elias was born, I prided myself on that fact that I almost always kept my cool with Finn, even though he can be a high needs kiddo. I could count on one hand the times I had snapped at him. Now, I feel like I snap at him every other day. Some of that is because he’s 3, and a lot of that is because I don’t have an ounce of energy reserved for his antics.

I know I am a good momma, but I’m not really someone I’m proud of right now. I’m nowhere near the best version of myself, and I feel pretty guilty about that.

And marriage after two kids? See the above comment about not being the best versions of ourselves. Luckily, we’ve been giving each other as much grace as our patience will muster. Sona recognizes how weary I am, and she’s trying really hard to compensate. But, of course, she’s exhausted, too. And so, at the end of the day–and I literally mean the very end of the day, as our mom-ing and house-ing and life-ing duties don’t usually wind down until an hour or so before we both collapse into bed–we have very left for each other, right now. And that’s just something else we harbor a lot of guilt and shame about.

Also, providing semi-quality childcare for two kiddos, allowing us to maintain our careers? Not cheap. It doesn’t help that the cost of childcare makes it significantly harder for us to do the things that help us blow off steam.

I probably should have written this when I was in a better headspace. When Finn wasn’t still up, fighting bedtime two hours after we put him in his crib or Elias wasn’t on day 6 of a diaper rash that is making everyone’s lives miserable or we’d eaten dinner before 9PM. I don’t mean to scare everyone into having only one baby, but maybe, like all of those folks who tried to warn us, it’s not so terrible to have reasonable expectations of what life will be like with a toddler and a baby, at least for a while.

Today, Sona told me “you cry all the time and you look like a zombie.” She’s not wrong. Ironically, one of the things I cry about pretty much constantly (like at least 3 times a week, is this normal?) is that our kids are growing up so quickly and all of this tiredness and weariness will, eventually, be but a distant, serotonin-clouded memory. I’m full-on Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde over here. One second, I’m waxing nostalgic about this time with small babes, and the next, I’m stumbling out of bed, crying at 5AM, getting up with Elias for the third time in a night. (Hello, last night.)

I love Finn and Elias more than my career or my need to write or any other part of myself that is self-affirming, but I need those other things, too. Right now, I’m in the eye of the storm. Ask me when we’ve gotten through, and I’ll let you know how many walls are left standing.




To My Son’s Soon-to-Be Daycare Provider

Hello,

We haven’t actually met yet, but in just five days, you’ll assume responsibility for our precious 5 month old son, Elias.

I just spent a chunk of the morning filling out the numerous in-take forms your employer requires, answering dozens of questions about our sweet baby boy: What time does he wake? (Between 7:30-8AM.) Where does he prefer to nap? (In bed, next to me.) How do I show him affection? (Hugs, kisses, cuddles.) How would I prefer for you to show him affection? (Hugs, kisses cuddles.) How much does he eat? What makes him cry? What makes him feel comforted? The list goes on.

Still, despite the very thorough questionnaires, there’s so much I still want to tell you–so much I need for you to know.

I need you to know that this is our last baby–our last boy. I am in the final days of what might very likely be the last extended stretch of time that I ever have to be just a mom. Not an employee. Not a colleague. Not a team player. Not a committee member or an advisor or a coordinator. Just a momma. That thought guts me a bit. Okay, it guts me a whole heck of a lot.

You see, here’s the thing: I love my job. I love having a job. I love serving and contributing and thinking in ways that motherhood doesn’t allow. I know that I need my work–and that I am more than a momma. But on days like this, weeks like this–dare I say, years like this?–I wonder if I don’t need my boys more.

When I go back to work on Monday, my office will look exactly as it did when I left six months ago. My boys? They do not. They are different people entirely, and the rapid pace at which they are changing isn’t going to slow down anytime soon. Not for me. Not for my job.

I need you to know that, on many days, you’ll likely see me hurried and frazzled. I’ll be dragging a toddler in on one hand and lugging a car seat that I can barely lift with the other. I’ll have to change shoes and remove coats and remember bottles and blankets and loveys. I’ll probably be running late, as I almost always am now, and I’ll practically toss you our sweet baby boy from afar and rush out the door without so much as a goodbye.

You’ll think I was ready to hand him off. You’ll think I wanted an escape. (Some days, you’ll be right.) But mostly, especially in the beginning, I’ll be running to my car to cry.

I need you to know that, in the coming months, I will become better at math–something I haven’t had a knack for in the past. But I will spend an inordinate amount of time quantifying, crunching the numbers. I will calculate that you get to spend 8 hours a day with my son, and I only get 4. I will calculate that you get 5 days, and I get 2. I will figure out that we pay most of my paycheck and far more than our mortgage to have someone else take care of our children. I will total the time–years–lost, and I will know that I’ll never get that time back. I will try very hard not to be angry and resentful about this, but I’ll fail.

I’ll do a cost-benefit analysis constantly. I’ll never be able to figure out whether the cost is worth the benefit–or whether there’s any benefit at all.

Believe me when I say that I’m not complaining about how much you make. I want you to make more.

I am SO thankful.

What else can I do for you? Can I bake you cookies? Paint your nails? The work you are doing–the service you provide our family–is invaluable. You deserve every single cent–and likely much more.

So, when you hear me–and likely other parents, too–complain about the cost, please know that we don’t mean the cost of your exhausting, loving service. We are talking about a bigger cost, ultimately, and it’s one that is part of a system that isn’t really sustainable, I don’t think. We are probably all plotting our escape.

I need you to know, also, that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you have to do this work. I’m sorry that you probably leave your kids so that you can watch mine. I’m sorry that you usually see me at my worst, and that the expectations are so high. I’m sorry that I’m not a more present employee–or that I don’t make more sacrifices for my job. I’m sorry that having a job often means I’m not a more present mother and that my boys don’t always see the best of me, either. I’ll think about how many BMs my baby has had while in very important meetings, and I’ll think about the very important meetings while I rock my baby to sleep.

I spend so much time being sorry and feeling guilty that there’s hardly time left for anything else. That’s a product of the system, also.

But there’s little things I want you to know, too. Like that Elias is most ticklish on his lower back, just under his ribs. And that he will stare you down if you don’t give him a taste of what you’re eating. He likes to sleep on his belly but eat on his back. His hands will always stink, but the back of his neck is delicious. He will break his neck to look at your phone screen (guilty for that, too), and he’s convinced he can talk. There are no diapers that will ever properly fit his chunky thighs, and that will lead to quite a few messes, I’m afraid. He practically never cries, but if he does, just find his brother. That’s his favorite person in the entire world.

As for me? My favorite people in the whole wide world are my sons. Each day, I have to leave them. But each evening, thanks to you, I come back to find them happy and full and rested and ALIVE.

I wish there was truly a way to have it all, but that kind of balance doesn’t exist. Maybe, one day, I’ll find it. In the meantime, we’re in this together, and I needed you to know how much that means.

Love, Elias’s Momma

Toddler Gift Guide

Christmas with toddlers is THE best. Each year, Finn understands the holiday more and more, and this year is the most excited he’s been. He’s been asking “is it Christmas tomorrow?” for a month. He’s also totally caught on to the whole Santa-is-a-guy-who-brings-you-presents thing, because he says “tell Santa I want this” ten times a week.

Last year, Santa went hog-wild. (We’ll blame it on him, anyway.) And between my parents and ourselves, Finn was spoiled rotten. This year, we decided to game-plan early on and make a conscious effort to scale back. Though, in collecting this gift guide of things we’ve purchased for him, I’m beginning to wonder just how successful we were at setting limits.

Still, here are the things that Finn will find under the tree–gifts from Momma and Mommy, Elias, Mimi and Pops, and Santa. I worked to find things that I really think he will play with regularly–and toys that will allow him to have lots of imaginary play, which he loves.

Also, I’m not doing a list for Elias because, if we’re being honest, he will probably get lots of Finn’s old baby toys for Christmas. Sorry, kid. We’ll do better by you next year, once you’re no longer a clueless, drooling (albeit smiley) little blob.

Finn’s Christmas loot:

1. Learning Resources Color Bug Catcher

I saw this on Instagram and thought it was the perfect educational game for a toddler. Finn loves bugs, and I love everything by Learning Resources!

2. Dino Egg Dig Kit

I scored a good deal on this on Amazon. Finn loves dinos, breaking stuff open, and anything hands-on. So, I think these will be fun for him, and we can do 2 or 3 at a time.

3. Melissa & Doug Wooden Blocks

I was worried that Finn was too old for wooden blocks and that we’d missed the boat on that one. However, after asking around, lots of moms said that their block sets were well-loved for many years. This is a great basic set. I saw a friend’s kid playing with it recently, and the blocks are large and sturdy.

4. Hape Wooden Railway Busy City Set

Finn got a train table and lots of accessories for his birthday a year ago, and he plays with his trains every single day. Lately, he spends at least an hour every evening playing with his tracks. This set is the exact same one they have for kids to play with at the toy store in our ‘hood, and Finn loves it. He said “I don’t have bridges like this!” So, kiddo, you’re getting your bridges.

5. Thomas Mini Train Case

We got him the Thomas mini train advent calendar this year, which means he will acquire 25 new trains and need somewhere to store them. This case is cute and cheap–win, win! Mommas like anything that keeps toys organized.

6. Little Pretender Karaoke Machine

If you follow us on Insta, you know how much Finn loves music–and always has. He sings and dances every night before bed. I think he will get a kick out of being able to ham it up, singing his favorite tunes, with this toddler-friendly karaoke set.

7. Bruder Tow Truck

It just wouldn’t be Christmas if Finn didn’t get something with wheels. Honestly, every time I’ve asked him what Santa should bring him, he’s said some sort of truck. When we saw Santa at the mall this past weekend, Finn told him he wanted a “crane,” by which I’m pretty sure he meant a tow truck. Last Christmas, he got the Bruder fire truck, and it’s one of his favorite toys. Despite the fact that he needs another truck like he needs a hole in the head, we want to give him something that we know he will be uber excited about, and Bruder trucks are really well made. He is going to lose his little toddler mind when he sees this under the tree, and isn’t that the point?

 

 

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This One is for Elias

If you look back at the blog archives from the first few months of Finn’s life, there are a lot of posts: how he’s sleeping, what it was like falling in love with him, a day in the life of maternity leave, etc. Early on, I realized that I’d be trading in any hope of a baby book for blog posts, which, to my credit, were significantly more detailed than “paste photo of first smile here.”

However,  in true second-child form, I haven’t been quite as diligent about documenting every second of Elias’s first months, and for that I feel pretty guilty. It’s not that we haven’t doted on his every little move, it’s just that life is different now: we have a toddler to contend with, we’re more desperate for naps, we have a bit of the “been there, done that” syndrome (which might also account for the lack of monthly baby photos, too).

Or, for a more positive perspective, there’s this: we are significantly less anxious about parenting Elias than we were Finn. We feel pretty confident that we won’t break him; we weren’t so confident about that the first time around. So, my obsessive need to over-document every behavioral change like a scientist collecting data that could potentially save humankind has, much to my delight, abated some. Still, the result is the same: I haven’t written much about this little boy we love so much.

Therefore, this is intended as a let-me-tell-you-everything-about-Elias-at-3.5-months post. I’m writing it because I owe him the same kind of attention I paid Finn, and I’m writing it because I want to remember.

From the get-go, Elias was an easier baby. What, exactly, I mean by “easier” gets a little fuzzy, but he just goes with the flow more than Finn did as a newbie. A lot of that, again, can likely be attributed to our perspective shift. We were more easy-going this time around, and so he seemed to be, too.

But the reality is that, for the most part, I can’t imagine a baby easier than Elias. He’s just a happy, giggly little guy. He smiles constantly, and he rarely ever cries. Last night, he had a bit of a stomach spell, and he cried for 10-15 minutes. Sona and I panicked. What is this sound? Why is it coming from our very happy baby? The truth is, we can go days without him doing much more than whining a bit when he’s hungry or pooping.

He hated the car seat at first, as did his bro, but that only lasted a few weeks. Now, he’s content to stare out the window or suck on his blanket. He sucks on EVERYTHING, especially his hands. He also drools a ton, something Finn never did. I’m pretty sure he will have a full set of chompers by the time I hit “post.”

With good reason, we refer to him, affectionately of course, as our Little Chunk. He was born nearly nine pounds and has almost doubled his weight in just three months. Finn was long and lanky; Elias is a linebacker. His rolls have rolls.

Whereas he has a sunnier demeanor than his brother did, Elias isn’t quite the sleeper than Finn was. Finn slept through the night at 7 weeks and never looked back, regularly sleeping 12-14 hours at a time. Everyone warned us that we wouldn’t be as lucky with baby two, and they were right. Currently, Elias is still waking to eat every 4-5 hours, but we can’t much fault the guy. Look at him! He needs those calories. Even still, he goes to sleep like a champ. He doesn’t require any rocking or singing. We just put him down, he smiles, we walk away, and he’s out.

As with most of the difficulty that accompanies having a newborn, we’ve taken his night wakings in stride. The reality is, Elias is our last baby. We’ve already started to pawn baby items off on friends who are expecting (as sad as that makes me). So, if he I have to get up in the middle of the night to give him a bottle and get in a couple extra cuddles, I’ll do it–and I won’t complain. This won’t last forever. It won’t even last long. And I’m already mourning the passage of time.

What else can I tell you about our little guy? He loves his brother more than anyone. If Finn is within eyesight, don’t bother trying to get Elias’s attention. He prefers belly naps and has from the get-go. He could break out of every swaddle at just two weeks old. His changing pad is his favorite place, whereas his brother used to despise diaper changes. He will play, quietly, on his mat for nearly an hour. Because of both his weight and his strength, he’s nearly broken the MamaRoo. His hair is blonde-red, especially in the sunlight, and his eyes are still clinging to a bit of steely blue.  (Fingers crossed, folks!)

And he talks! Boy, does this kid prattle on. He mimics our sounds, trying desperately to carry on a conversation. It’s so dang cute, and it encourages his mommas to engage in an obnoxious amount of baby talk.

Even at only 3.5 months, Elias’s personality shines through. He’s our happy-go-lucky boy, and he’s totally stolen our hearts. I might not be posting quite as much as I did when Finn was a baby, but we sure are enjoying Elias’s first year even more than we expected.

Trip Report: Sintra, Portugal

Sintra is the place we spent the least amount of time and, perhaps, the one that left the most lasting impression. We’ve been home nearly two weeks, now, and Sona has mentioned it almost every single day since.

To be honest, Sintra wasn’t on our radar when we landed in Portugal. It wasn’t until were searching for things to do while in Lisbon that we stumbled upon (like a million) recommendations to do a day trip to Sintra. Then, once we read about it once, everyone started mentioning it: waiters, Uber drivers. “Are you going to visit Sintra?” was a question we were asked at least a half a dozen times. So, we did.

Because we wanted good weather, we saved our visit to Sintra until the last day of our vacation. I spent hours researching how to get there, what we should do once there, and all sorts of little details, as the historic town is enchanting, but it’s also a little trick to get around. It’s full of small, winding one-way streets, and transportation can be daunting.

We took the CP train to Sintra from the Rossio train station, which is in central Lisbon and was only a 5 minute walk from our AirBnB. Because it’s a local train, you can’t buy tickets ahead of time. It runs every 50 minutes or so. We got there, expecting to hop on, and found a line of around 150 people waiting to buy tickets to Sintra. (Apparently, this is always the case, as Sintra is a UNESCO world heritage site and a frequent stop for tourists.) In hindsight, we should’ve gotten to the station early in the morning, which would have helped us to avoid the crowds. Still, after a 30 min wait, we got our inexpensive tickets and boarded the train 15 minutes before it departed. It was PACKED; I had to stand the whole trip.

It’s about a 40 minute ride to Sintra, which is the last stop on the train line. You’ll know when you’re there because every other passenger will get off the train with you. If you can, try to sit near the front of the train, as you have to scan your ticket to leave the station at Sintra, and the que was pretty long and hectic.

Once you get out of the station, you will be bombarded by tuk tuks and tour guides, asking if you want to do a guided tour. We opted not to. Instead, we walked 5 minutes and had coffee and lunch at Saudade, which is a cafe dating back to the 1800s and, quite possibly, the sweetest place I ever did see. We ate pastries and galao, which is a Portugese latte, and ordered delicious sandwiches to pack away for our day, which were only a couple dollars each. I could have sat there all day, and it was surprisingly peaceful.

After that, we hopped in our first Uber of the day and headed to Quinta de Regaleira. It’s a private estate turned park, complete with secret grottos, mossy caves, waterfalls, tiny castles, chapels, fountains, and more charm than you’ve ever seen. It’s like stepping into a fairytale, which is what everyone told us about Sintra, and they were right. We bought our tickets at the entrance and got in quickly.

It took us all of 5 minutes to realize that we’d made a really grave mistake in only spending one day in Sintra. The truth is, we could’ve spent one day at any of the attractions we visited in Sintra (Quinta la Regaleira, Pena Palace, the village), and we still would have missed most of what the town has to offer. I don’t think we’ve ever visited a place and left so certain that we must return. Sona has been plotting our romantic getaway to Sintra since the second we got on the train back to Lisbon.

But, back to the gardens, they were MAJESTIC, and it’s a great place for kids. You just wander and wander, finding secret spots and hidden tunnels, as there isn’t a linear pathway through the grounds. We spent a couple of hours and didn’t see half of it, but we left, regrettably, because we knew we wanted to see Pena Palace, which was our next stop.

We got another Uber to Pena, but we realized we should’ve gone there first, as may of the attractions are along a 16-mile, one-way loop, and we ended up having to go back around the entire circle just to get to Pena. Still, it was a beautiful drive.

Folks had warned us that, to get to Pena, you’d have to drive up a very steep hill (re: mountain). Then, once you get through the gates, we’d have to walk and even steeper hill, which takes about 15 minutes, to access the palace. I was a little worried about that trek, as I’m not the most fit person on the planet, and I was prepared to pay any amount of money to get a tram or a tuktuk up to the top. However, after entering the gates (tip: purchase your Pena Palace tickets online the night before to avoid lines), Sona convinced me to make a go of it, and we did.

A lot of sweating and complaining and heavy breathing later, we made it to the top. Finn ran the whole way, of course, and didn’t bat an eye. When the trees cleared and we saw what awaited us–a brightly colored, ornate palace that rivals the stuff of dreams–we knew the walk had been worth it.

This is where I am totally honest with you and admit that, although our day in Sintra was magical, Finn struggled quite a bit. It was our last day of vacation. He was tired. We had to forgo nap to do the day trip, and he wasn’t in the best spirits. So, while we were surrounded by some of the most beautiful vistas we’d ever seen, we spent a lot of time bribing our cranky threenager with Jolly Ranchers just to get him through the day. By the time we got to the palace, he was on the verge of a breakdown, and it did get in the way of our enjoying it as much as we should’ve. One of the many reasons we want to go back.

Still, we drug him along, Jolly Ranchers as bait, and made our best efforts to experience as much of the palace as possible. Like the gardens earlier, it was painfully clear that we’d only be able to scrape the surface, as it was already early evening, and we had to get the train back to Lisbon before nightfall.

What can I say about Pena Palace that will make you understand how breathtakingly beautiful and surreal it was? Probably nothing. Instead, I’ll just post a bunch of pictures and implore you to get yourself to Sintra–maybe without a tired 3 year old–as quickly as possible.

We’d intended to make it to the historic village and wander through the little town, but time didn’t allow for it. We were pretty bummed that the day slipped away so quickly, and that we’d have to miss the town, but that is just more motivation to make it back there again–and soon.

In the meantime, here are some photos, which don’t even begin to tell the full story of that wonderful, wander-full place.

Trip Report: Lisbon, Portugal

After a week in Alvor, we hopped on the train from Portimao to Lisbon, which takes 3-4 hours and has one quick transfer (which, admittedly, was a bit stressful with all of our heavy luggage and the kiddos). The train ride itself was actually really restful, and the trains in Portugal were, like much of Europe, clean, quick, and reliable.

We got to Lisbon at around noon on a Saturday, and our AirBnB host messaged us to let us know that our apartment was ready early, which was a relief, as Finn was more than ready for a nap, as were we all. We had to leave Alvor pretty early, and we were exhausted.

We checked into what is likely the most kid-friendly, well-run AirBnB in the world, which was right on the border of both the Chiado and Barrio Alto neighborhoods of Lisbon; it ended up being the perfect location, despite the fact that we were on the 3rd floor of a very narrow and steep walk-up.

In Lisbon, we had a relatively short list of must-sees (and a relatively long list of must-eats). By then, it was clear that Finn was struggling a bit with the time change and the schedule shift. So, we really wanted to make it easy for ourselves. Our daily plans went something like this: get up, eat pastries, wander, eat snacks, wander, take a nap, wander, eat dinner, eat gelato. To be honest, that’s pretty much the perfect itinerary with kiddos, as the more rigid the schedule and the more you try to pack in, the more likely everyone is going to be cranky.

As it turned out, we were within easy walking distance of a lot of the restaurants we wanted to try and places we wanted to see and, when we needed to venture a bit further, Ubers were plentiful. Just like in Alvor, we relied on them at least a couple of times a day, especially since walking in Lisbon is a bit tricky. It’s known as the “city of seven hills”–and with good reason. It’s like San Francisco on steroids. There are steep hills, staircases with 500+ stairs, very small cobblestone sidewalks (which are slippery, btw), and windy streets everywhere. Whereas Portugal was one of the most kid-friendly places we’ve been, Lisbon is probably the least stroller-friendly city on the planet. Luckily, Finn is a great walker, and Sona wore Elias everywhere in the Ergo.

But as promised, Lisbon–and the whole country–were extremely kid/baby-friendly. If you have a little one, you get to go to the front of the line pretty much anywhere: grocery stores, security lines at airports, museums, etc. And every restaurant we went to–no matter how nice–had families with small children. It just seemed to be a non-issue, which was really nice.

Lisbon is a photographer’s dream and, thusly, I fell in love. It reminded us a lot of Barcelona, which is our other favorite city in the world. It’s old and new–weathered and immaculately beautiful. There’s colorful tile and stucco and charm around every single corner, and each neighborhood has it’s own personality.

It’s also a fantastic city to eat in. The restaurants and cafes and bakeries are plentiful, as are the food halls. We loved grabbing small bites and heading outside to eat in a park or on a bench somewhere. Finn loved the french fries and all of the walking and the trolleys and the tuk tuk and the GELATO–good lord, the gelato. Plus, wine is CHEAP.

Sona and I loved Lisbon so much–and Sintra, which I’ll post about next–that we’re already plotting a return visit. In the meantime, here’s some photos from our time in the city, along with some recommendations.

  

Our Lisbon Faves and Recommendations:

  • early in your visit, take a tuk tuk tour with Tuk Tuk Tiejo
  • visit the LX Factory on one of their outdoor market days
  • look at the trolleys, but avoid riding them–they are SO busy
  • visit the TimeOut Market, but try to go during off-hours
  • go see the Tower of Belem and get the famous custard tarts at Pasteis de Belem
  • eat at Oficio and Bairro de Avillez and Tartine
  • get the AYCE tapas at Bairrices; save room for dessert
  • get gelato at Santini and Sorbettino (we preferred the latter)
  • Get lunch at Campo de Ourique market and eat it at Jardim da Estrela
  • explore Barrio Alto (during the day with kids and at night with adults)
  • get lost in Alfama (but bring your walking shoes)

(I should also note that Lisbon has a lot of more kid-centric stuff to do, including the best aquarium in Europe and a great zoo. However, since we live in Chicago and have access to that stuff all of the time, we try to use vacations as an opportunity to do some things we don’t get to do at home. So, for this trip, we didn’t hit up those spots, but they come highly recommended.)

Trip Report: Algarve, Portugal

As soon as we knew Sona was pregnant, we begin planning a maternity leave trip. Not only did we have a lot of airline miles to use before they expired, but we also knew that–since Elias is most certainly our last baby–we likely wouldn’t have another extended period of time off again for a long, long time.

So, we started thinking about destinations. Since we travel to the Caribbean a lot, and that doesn’t necessarily feel special, we decided early on to go to Europe, instead, however naive that decision was. When we did some crowd-sourcing, asking about European places that are particularly kid-friendly, folks resoundingly recommended Spain and Portugal. We’ve been to–and love–the former; so, we set our sights on the latter.

While Sona and I could spend weeks wandering through European cities, sitting at cafes and sipping coffee or wine, we knew that our kiddos would require a slower pace and some built-in entertainment that doesn’t necessarily come in a carafe. That led us to Algarve, Portugal’s photo-ready coast. We figured that if we split our time between a beach town and a city, Finn would have plenty to do, and we’d have an excuse to relax by the water for half of the trip.

We landed on Alvor when searching for vacation rentals, as many of the places we liked were in Prainha Village, the largest collection of rentals in Alvor. PV is a resort-like complex, which is itself the size of a small town, and though we typically steer clear of resorts, having the convenience of many pools, restaurants, a grocery store, and fabulous beaches within walking distance was appealing, as we already knew we’d be challenged by traveling so far with the kiddos.

While PV’s prime was likely a couple of decades ago, we still really loved the property. It’s the perfect place for a family, and it was easy. We’re not always the kind of travelers that make decisions for the sake of ease, but again, our goal this trip was to have reasonable expectations and to try, as much as possible, to set ourselves up for a successful, semi-restful time.

Alvor ended up being the perfect home base. We flew into Faro, which was a 45 minute ride away from the little town. Alvor was small and quiet, especially since we missed busy season by a month or so. We could isolate ourselves in our little resort area–where we were frequently the only ones around–or we could take a taxi into town for about $6, which we did most evenings for dinner. (We opted not to rent cars on the trip, either, because we didn’t want to deal with car seats or the stress of driving in a new country. Taxis and Ubers were plentiful, cheap, clean, and friendly. We took them everywhere.)

Our days in Alvor were long and lazy–and the week went by way too fast. Each morning, I went downstairs to the little market where we could buy hot croissants, which we ate on our balcony before heading to the beach or the pool. We played most of the day, soaking up the sun and ignoring nap time more than we should’ve (that caught up to us), and then we’d head into town for a seafood dinner and gelato and an evening stroll through the small fishing town of Alvor.

Though there are dozens of beaches in the Algarve, the little coves at Prainha Village, which are part of Tres Irmaos beach, were the most special we saw. They are private and spectacular and completely disappear at high tide, which means their character changes throughout the day. We finally made it to low tide on our last day at the beach, and it was a totally new landscape: tide pools, exposed rocks, shells galore.  From our villa, we were within easy (by “easy” I mean you have to go up and down about 1,000 stairs) walking distance to 3 or 4 great beaches, ranging from rocky coves to wide, sandy stretches.

We also took one day trip to Lagos, which is one of the largest towns in the Algarve, and sampled pastries and even more gelato and explored the city squares, trying to avoid the touristy spots. We also hit up the old fort and had an Uber take us on a tour of the beaches around Lagos, which are in and of themselves worth a trip. Praia de Camilo is particularly stunning and considered one of Portugal’s best beaches–with good reason. We were glad to have experienced Lagos, which has a good deal of charm if you wander away from the tourist shops, but we were happy to retreat back to the little village of Alvor, where we spent a full week before taking the train to Lisbon.

 

 

Our Algarve Faves and Recommendations:

  • AirBnBs are plentiful and CHEAP; Prainha Village has a ton
  • eat at A Lota in Alvor and get the fresh seafood platter
  • get lots of gelato at both Tutti and Buono Gelato (Alvor)
  • visit Tres Irmaos beach during low tide
  • explore Lagos, but stay somewhere smaller
  • get pastries at Confeitaria D’alvor (Alvor) and Padaria Central (Lagos)
  • drink as much Algarve orange juice as you can find, and you’ll find a lot
  • visit the Atlantic pool, which has a spectacular view, at Prainha Village, even if you aren’t staying there
  • rent a car or hire an Uber to do a beach tour; make sure you see Praia do Camilo
  • visit in late September to avoid the crowds but still take full advantage of warm beach weather
  • eat at Gastropub 13 in Alvor
  • make reservations for dinners, even when you think the season is slow

Our Newborn Survival Kit

Like all things in today’s world, having a baby brings with it a lot of stuff. I don’t mean emotional stuff, though there’s certainly that kind of baggage, too. I mean stuff stuff. Like, a lot of baby-colored crap, sitting in every corner of our home.

When we first were pregnant with Finn, we had no idea what stuff we actually needed and, like a lot of people, we probably went a bit overboard, even if we were trying to be minimalists. And although a lot of the stuff is, well, useless in the end, there’s also some items that actually do make the whole keeping-a-baby-alive-and-keeping-yourself-sane thing a whole lot easier.

We get asked about our stuff quite a bit: what stroller do we have? what is that thing that Elias is sleeping in in a photo or video we posted online? So, I’m compiling a list–our newborn survival kit, if you will–of the stuff that actually does make our lives with a new baby a lot easier.

Here’s what’s in our proverbial kit–and what we always recommend to friends (links provided):

1. Fischer-Price Deluxe Rock ‘n Play Sleeper

Fisher-Price Deluxe Rock 'n Play Sleeper, Snugabunny

This had to be first, as it is my ride-or-die baby item. When Finn was born, I wrote a long post about how we tried to avoid the Rock ‘n Play, mostly because it isn’t the cutest thing around. (I know that’s a silly reason–but still.) Then, a few nights into mommyhood, I used the Amazon Now app to order a Rock ‘n Play at 3AM, and it arrived a few hours later. We never looked back. Finn slept in this until he was 7 weeks, and Elias will probably sleep in it a little longer. It sits right beside our bed, and it’s the perfect height for me to reach out and rock when the babes get a little fussy. Babies like it for a few reasons: it has a slight incline, which helps with reflux; it has a slight vibration, which mimics walking around in mommy’s belly (they make self-rocking ones, too, but this is what we prefer); and it is pretty snug, nestling the baby in a half-cocoon. We swear by this thing!

2. Hakaa Silicone Manual Breastfeeding Pump

Haakaa Silicone Breastfeeding Manual Breast Pump Milk Pump 100% Food Grade Silicone BPA PVC and Phthalate Free

YOU GUYS!!! This one is new to us; a friend told us about it just after Elias was born. We were a little skeptical, but since it’s so cheap, we ordered it. Sona wears it whenever she’s breastfeeding, putting it on the boob that Elias isn’t currently feeding from (obvs). We were ASTONISHED when we saw that, the first time she used it, she collected around 2 oz. of milk. Now, it’s not uncommon for her to collect 3-4 oz during a single feeding session.

3. Mommy’s Bliss Gripe Water

Mommy's Bliss Original Gripe Water for Baby's Tummy Trouble Relieves Occasional Infant Stomach Discomfort from Gas and Colic, and Helps with Fussiness, Hiccups and Teething, 4 fl oz bottle (2 Pack)

Indians swear by this stuff, and I’ve noticed it is getting more popular with American parents, too. With Finn, we called this stuff his “candy,” as he loved drinking it, and it was a sure-fire way to calm a gassy belly, help stop fussiness, or interrupt a major case of hiccups.

4. MyBaby Sound Spa

myBaby SoundSpa Portable Machine, Plays 6 Natural Sounds, Auto-Off Timer, Portable for New Mother or Traveler, Battery or Adapter Operated, MYB-S200

My recipe for getting a baby to sleep well includes a sound machine (we really like this one, as it has both ocean sounds and white noise). We turn the volume ALL THE WAY up on this bad boy, and it works like a charm. Finn still sleeps with one, and so do we. It not only helps the baby, as they are used to a lot of noise in the womb, but it also helps drown out the tiny baby noises that Elias makes all night, which can be maddening to hyper-alert mommy ears.

5. Essential Oil Diffuser

Aromatherapy Essential Oil Diffuser, URPOWER 300ml Wood Grain Ultrasonic Cool Mist Whisper-Quiet Humidifier with Color LED Lights Changing & 4 Timer Settings, Waterless Auto Shut-Off for Spa Baby

This is the second item in my recipe: an oil diffuser. I’m not one of those folks who is crazy about essential oils (not that there’s anything wrong with them), but we diffuse lavender oil for both of our boys at bedtime, and it calms them.

6. Lavender Oil

Majestic Pure Lavender Oil, Natural, Therapeutic Grade, Premium Quality Blend of Lavender Essential Oil, 4 fl. Oz

This is the lavender oil we use. A whole bottle lasts us almost a year.

7. Zip-front Sleepers

We learned very early on that buying button-up onesies was a fatal mistake. Trust me on this one. When it’s 2AM and you’re sleep deprived and your baby just pooped for the third time in a row, you are not going to want to fumble through 27 buttons before getting back in bed. These organic zip-front onesies are the way to go.

8. Halo Micro-Fleece SleepSack

HALO SleepSack Micro-Fleece Swaddle, Cream, Small

I’ve done you all a HUGE favor: I have tried pretty much every single baby swaddle on the market, and that’s not a joke. We probably went through 10 different options with Finn, and we’ve already experimented with the 5 “best-selling” versions with Elias. With both boys, we ended up using only one thing: micro-fleece Halo SleepSacks. I’d kind of forgotten how awesome they were, but the hospital where we had Elias actually gives them out as baby gifts to all parents. That’s an endorsement!

There are two reasons why these are my favorite: 1. They are super easy to put on. Some swaddles require a master’s degree in baby swaddling in order to operate and, since this thing comes off and on a million times throughout the night, easiness is important. 2. The micro-fleece does not stretch, unlike the cotton and muslin versions. So, while we love this swaddle, we don’t like the cotton Halo SleepSacks for this reason. If they stretch, babies will stretch them, and then they can escape. If your little one has even the slightest inkling that they an get an arm free, it will become their life mission, and no one will get any sleep. We’ve found that, because we keep our house relatively cool, these are fine year-round.

9. Bumbo Changing Pad

This last one is also a new addition to our survival kit–and one that was an unexpected hero. Since Elias is sleeping in our room for the first couple of months, we needed a second changing pad. We’re using Sona’s nightstand as the changing table, and traditional changing pads are too big to fit. When searching for smaller versions, I found this. I was reticent to spend this much on a changing pad, but the size was right and it came in our favorite color–sold! Since this pad is a soft rubber, you don’t need any sort of cover on it. I can’t tell you how nice it has been to be able to just wipe up accidents, rather than having to change and wash a dozen changing pad covers each week. Elias has proven himself to be quite the champion pee-er, and it’s been a life-saver to have a changing pad that could simply be wiped down whenever he takes aim.

 

***includes affiliate links***

 

Finn Turned 3!

This past Friday, August 10th, was Finn’s 3rd birthday. How we have already had this little soul in our lives for three full years, I’ll never know.

I would say that, so far, the past year of Finn’s life has been my favorite. Although the terrible twos get a pretty bad rap, we rather enjoyed it. (In fact, for us, one was MUCH harder than two.)

Don’t get me wrong, I love babies, but there is something so special about being able to watch Finn’s little personality blossom. Now, we have full-on conversations, as he is a total Chatty Kathy, and his silly-sweet self is so full of life. Spending time with him is–most of the time–really, really fun.

Like we’ve done every year, we spent his birthday together as a family and did a day of favorites (which, to me, is still better than any kind of party): we woke up to presents and balloons, had sprinkle-laden pancakes, went to the beach, chased seagulls, ate popsicles from the popsicle cart, sat in our dripping swimsuits and ate pizza al fresco, and ended the day with a giant ice cream sundae, which Finn much prefers to cake.

Then, on Saturday, we actually did have a birthday party–Finn’s first. Since Elias has been consuming a lot of our time and attention these past couple of weeks, we wanted to make sure that Finn’s birthday was properly celebrated, and the party did the trick.

Here are a bunch of photos from Finn’s 3rd birthday weekend. I can’t believe we’ve already made it 3 years, but what a wonderful 3 years it has been!

 

The First 48

I posted all about Elias’s birth story, and this blog picks up where that one left off. Since he was born at 4:03AM, we didn’t actually get up to our hospital room until around 6AM. On the way, they had us drop him off in the nursery for his hearing test, first bath, and other checks. With Finn, I was able to stay with him for this whole process, but the nursery was so full when Elias was born that they didn’t offer to let me stay. And honestly, we were so tired from having been up half of the night that I think we both wanted to get in a little sleep, anyway.

So, not long after we checked into our room, we both fell into a deep sleep for a couple of hours. They brought Elias back to us at around 8AM, and we got up, fed him, and ordered ourselves breakfast.

Mimi came to meet her new grandson not long after, and she spent that first full day in the hospital with us. Elias slept the majority of his first 24 hrs, which is pretty common for newborns. So, since Mimi was there to keep Sona company, I decided to run home for a shower, to take care of the animals, and to pick up a few things.

 

Since the timing worked out, I decided that I would surprise Finn by picking him up at daycare and taking him to meet his new brother–something we’d all been exciting, but also very nervous, about.

When I walked into his class, he was sitting in his teacher’s lap and crying. She said he’d had a hard day. It wasn’t his normal “I’m being cranky” cry; it was his “I am so sad” cry, and it gutted me. He came up to me and, rather than being excited, he just hugged me and sobbed. Then, he pointed to our family photo on the daycare wall, putting his finger on Sona, and saying “mommy” over and over again. IT WAS THE SADDEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN.

His teacher gave him another one of our family photos to hold, and he refused to let it go. Needless to say, on the way to the hospital, I gave my mom and Sona a heads up that it might be a difficult introduction.

However, as soon as Finn walked into the hospital room and saw both Sona and his baby bro, he lit up. From that second on, he was totally fine, and what I realized is that it was his anxiety about the unknown–where would his mommies go? would we still be a family? would he be abandoned?–was much scarier for him than actually bringing a little brother home with him.

But ever since the second he met Elias, he has been totally enamored. I think we are all surprised, pleasantly, by how well he’s adjusting to having a baby around.

When he walked into the room of the hospital, we made sure–based on advice from friends–that no one was hold Elias. We didn’t want him to see us holding a baby as confirmation that he’d been replaced. Instead, Sona pulled him onto the bed and gave him big hugs. But immediately, he was interested in seeing his little bro.

“Do you want to get up on the bed so that you can get a closer look?” I asked. “Yeah!” he exclaimed.

We even had him sit on the bed for a bit with Elias in his lap, even though he didn’t love it. I think he’s still a little trepidatious about holding him, but he wants to pat him and bring him blankets and show him toys and say, “Hi, Elias!” in the sweetest voice you ever did hear.

We also made sure that “Elias” had a present for Finn–just to soften the blow. It worked like a charm.

We had planned for Mom to take Finn to the mall–his favorite place in the world–after leaving the hospital. We thought that would make it easier to get him to leave and help distract him from leaving us, again. That trick also worked, but as they were about to walk out the door, he asked “Can I see Elias?” once more.

Sona and I only spent one night in the hospital with Elias, as he was born on Tuesday at 4:03AM and we left on Wednesday afternoon. That one night was pretty seamless, though. The hospital staff woke us up more that Elias did.

Even though folks tried to urge us to stay the extra night, we were adamant that we wanted to get home to both of our boys. So, Elias was circumcised at around 10:30 on Wednesday morning, and we were able to leave two hours after that.

Even though we were so excited to head home, our time in the hospital was a great little respite. We had less visitors than last time, and Sona and I spent a lot of quiet time with our new little baby, which was just what we needed.

When I found this little pizza (Elias) shark (Finn) outfit, I knew we had to take him home in it!

 

It started hailing as we were about the leave the hospital, and there was a moment when I got all Momma Bear and copped an attitude with one of the nurses, so we didn’t get a photo of us as we were leaving, but we took this selfie as soon as we got home–right before we took him inside.

We had about 30 minutes between when we got home and when Finn got home from daycare.  We used that time to settle in, introduce Elias to his new home, and feed him.

Finn was SO excited to come home to all of his family. All evening, he watched over his little bro, rushing for a blanket or toy as soon as Elias would start crying.

He also showed him all of his toys, even though Elias wasn’t a very interested audience.

We came home when Elias was only 36 hours old, and we felt so settled that we even cooked dinner that night. The first night of sleep wasn’t quite as smooth as the rest of the transition, though, but I’ll save that story for later.