Finn is now 2.5 weeks old, and–judging by our very scientific method of having Sona get weighed with and without him–he’s up to 8.5 pounds. I put a pair of PJs on him the other night–a pair he’s only worn once before–and the legs were so short on him that they only fit with his knees bent.
This is all to say that, sadly, our little boy is getting bigger much more quickly than we are comfortable with. Suddenly, all the admonitions from parents, warning us how quickly babies grow up and how desperately you’ll want them to stay small, make sense.
It’s pretty easy for me to say that the past couple of weeks have been the best in my life. Everything you hear about being a parent is absolutely true. Having Finn has forced me to re-focus, pushing me to better understand what is important–and what is not. Since Sona and I have been lucky enough to experience maternity leave together, we’ve spent these weeks in a complete baby bubble, happily holed up in our small apartment, ignoring everything that isn’t a dirty diaper or a hungry baby. We are tuned out from the world outside of our home and completely tuned into our life as a new family. (I’m a little concerned about how we will tune back in, but I’m sure I’ll write more about that transition as it happens.)
We’ve also managed, better than I expected, to get back to what we consider our “normal” daily lives. Finn has, for the most part, been a champ, allowing us to take him on long neighborhood strolls, sleeping as we got Saturday morning pastries and lazily browsed the farmers market, and snoozing contently in his car seat or stroller as we have braved quite a few restaurants.
Facebook friends and family have commented with awe, saying how well we’ve done in these first few weeks. They are surprised that we are getting out so much, going for coffee, having nibbles at a wine bar–all with Finn in tow! These comments mean a lot to us, because–like most new parents, I imagine–we are hungrily seeking validation. Are we doing the right thing? Are we being good parents to our son? Are we experiencing a “normal” newborn phase?
We have, I think, been doing pretty well. The first couple of weeks, especially, were considerably easier than either one of us had anticipated.
But we’ve also been waiting for the other shoe to drop. And this week, with the third set of house guests we’ve had since Finn was born (there are 3 more coming), it dropped.
My parents came into town on Monday night. We were so excited to have them meet our perfectly behaved son and to show them just how well we were fairing. We weren’t suffering from severe sleep deprivation! Our home was cleaned, and our laundry was done! We made chocolate chip cookies! And pasta! And our baby was sleeping through it all!
Then, Tuesday, when we took Finn out for a walk and lunch, he started to meltdown. And he kept melting down. We stopped twice in two hours to breastfeed on a bench, something that Sona was just THRILLED about.
Eventually, we just took him home.
Wednesday, he woke up fussier than usual. He wouldn’t go down for his naps without screaming. He seemed completely unhappy. “Something is wrong with him,” Sona and I said to each other. Where did our perfectly behaved newborn go? And who was this gremlin that took his place? By Wednesday afternoon, we’d called the pediatrician, concerned about his endless screams and, well, his poop.
This is all to say that, even in the midst of this bliss-fest, things are TOUGH. Don’t worry, Finn is fine. He may have some acid reflux, but he didn’t have a fever, and the doctor isn’t concerned. But–his moms? Well, let’s just say that we haven’t been at our best during these past 48 hours. There were tears–and not just baby tears.
At 4AM this morning, as Finn slept on my chest (the only place he was happy), Sona and I laid in bed and sobbed. We’d only slept an hour. “This is really hard,” we both said. “What could we being doing better? Are we giving him everything he needs? Will we ever get more than 3 hours of sleep, again?”
Finn has spent the past 48 hours having intermittent temper tantrums, and we needed to have ours.
Let’s get real, y’all: having a baby is hard work. We are only 2.5 weeks in, and we’ve probably only seen the tip of the iceberg. You can come to no other conclusion than that our bodies–and minds–must be engineered for motherhood. Because no matter how tough it gets, our love for Finn kicks in, surging through us like a shot of adrenaline, giving us just enough motivation to keep going.
Many moms have told us about how much they struggled with their new babies–babies who were loved and cared for and happy. But there was a struggle. And we’ve struggled a bit, too, this week. I guess we’ve joined the club.
This morning, we had a jam session with our little man, singing and dancing and being silly, despite the difficulty of the past few days. A friend of ours nailed in when he said, “[Parenting] is the hardest job that you’ll ever love doing.” He was absolutely right.
So, it’s not all cafe lunches and farmers markets with our Instagram-ready baby strapped to our chests. But that’s okay. I’m sure there are going to be more tears–from both the grown-ups and the babies–but we know that is part of this adventure. And we’re so thankful for all the moms we know who honestly and graciously cheer us along with their own stories as we write our own.