I do want to talk about presents. Or, I want to talk about how–because Finn will only be 4.5 months old at Christmas–he won’t really be getting many.
Our families are probably going to spoil him, but Sona and I have decided to just get him a few, small things. We’ve joked that we should just wrap all the crap he has in his nursery that he’s never even seen. (I was only partly joking.)
But c’mon! He doesn’t even know what a present is, and he’ll likely be much more interested in the wads of wrapping paper than in anything we could buy him.
Don’t worry, this kid has it GOOD.
Mostly, though, I want to talk about presence.
Because I’m pretty bad at it. I have a tendency to get in my head A LOT. Or on my phone. Or on my computer. The point is, as much as I want to be someone who can totally rock this living thing, I still have a lot of learning to do.
I want to be present for Finn’s first Christmas. Something weird happens when you have a baby–and when you see how very quickly they grow and change. You can much more viscerally sense that you are living moments that you will, one day, long for. That sounds pretty melodramatic, and I don’t mean that I’m living outside of all the wonderful moments with my little family, watching them instead of experiencing them.
I just mean that there’s an acute awareness that these days–right now–will be the ones that we’ll refer to as the good ones. The best ones. And I want to experience them now as fondly as I’ll remember them later on.
I’ve been sensing this a lot lately, especially as my days at home with him are numbered. I’ve been quicker to just enjoy cuddle time. I’ve been taking lots of videos–with my good camera, not my iPhone. I’ve been consciously trying to breathe in every single moment with Finn, as he’s at an age where he’s changing every single day. Seriously, people. He’s doing something new–making a new sound, reaching for toys, eating cookies (oops, I shouldn’t have shared that one, should I have?)–daily.
So, I’m going to try to be more present over the next few weeks. We have family coming. And then more family. And lots of stuff planned. And our first airplane ride with Finn, coming right after the New Year. And a hunt for a house that’s becoming increasingly more urgent. And my return to work, hanging over us like a grey cloud.
There’s a lot to stress about and a lot to fuss over, but I’m going to try my best not to. I’m going to try to just be as present as possible–to enjoy my family and the holiday and, most importantly, Finn’s first Christmas.