In a little less than a month, I’ll be returning to work full-time. It’s something we all knew was coming–and something I’ve been dreading, as I’ve mentioned before.
Sona and I have experienced all the must-choose-a-childcare-option angst that you can imagine. We’ve fretted over not being able to afford the “best” childcare out there. We’ve had (many) family members look at us in astonishment, amazed that we’re “just going to drop him off somewhere.” We’ve Googled lists of questions we should ask to-be providers. We’ve thought about whether or not I should take an extended leave from work. We’ve considered ALL THE THINGS.
We’ve been exploring various childcare options for months, but I think we’ve both been in a bit of denial about it. I also think we’ve both been completely overwhelmed by all the options. And all of the costs!
I’ve seen so many articles circulating recently, discussing the rise in childcare costs and citing that rise as a disincentive for moms to return to the workplace. I didn’t get that… until we start seriously exploring childcare options for Finn.
In Chicago, everything is expensive, and childcare costs are, to me, outrageous. Of course, we want Finn to be taken care of, and we want the best for him. Yet, I don’t think that we’re bad moms for not wanting to spend $3,000 a month on a daycare that hosts daily baby yoga classes and feeds the babies farm-to-table cuisine (locally sourced, of course).
I also think that so many of the extras–the stuff that drives up the price of daycare, especially–is more to impress the parents than it is to make the babies happy. As we explored daycare options, which seemed to be the most affordable solution, I kept reminding Sona, “That isn’t going to make a difference to Finn; it only makes a difference to us.”
We checked out an in-home daycare, initially, that several neighborhood moms had recommended. It was very close and very reasonably priced (I mean, compared to the baby yoga). When we did our tour, I know that we both felt a little unsure about the place.
It was in the basement of an older building. There was absolutely NO natural light. It could have been a little cleaner (both in terms of tidiness and in terms of germyness), but Sona and I can be a bit nutty about that.
However, the kids all seemed very happy and well-cared for. The staff to kid ratio was great. The owner clearly had a wonderful rapport with parents. And did I mention that it was affordable?
We were willing to overlook the things that made us take pause, and we emailed, asking to put down a deposit for the available spot. A few weeks–and several phone calls–later, we found out that the owner had given our spot to someone else. We can only assume that she wanted a full-time kiddo, and we were only interested in part-time care.
There entered our biggest hurdle. Most Chicago daycare centers try to avoid taking on any part-time kids. I get it. They have a quota, and when we are only attending 3 days instead of 5, they are losing out on 2 days worth of profit. We’ve been on the waitlist for another daycare for weeks, hoping that they’d find another family to take the other half of the schedule that we wouldn’t use. (They’d do 2 days; we’d do 3. That’s the only way this daycare will do “part-time.”)
With the price per day being so outlandishly expensive, it was hard to justify paying an extra $400-$800/month for a full-time spot that we’d never use. I am usually on campus 3.5 days a week, and we really only need 25 hours of care. If we had a money tree in the back yard, we’d happily pay $3000/month to secure Finn a full-time spot in one of the best daycare centers in the city, even if we only planned to take him a few days a week.
But we don’t have a money tree. And we are on the hunt for a house, which will considerably increase our monthly spending over the next year. So, the thought of paying more than our mortgage for daycare was freaking us out.
We were so freaked out, in fact, that there were actually a couple of semi-serious conversations about moving back to Tennessee. Don’t worry, those never got too far. We’d engage in about 3 minutes of that nonsense before one of us would inevitably remind the other that, “our souls would die.” But my parents have been making the hard sell for us to return, even offering my mom up as FT childcare. And the cost of living is SO low. And we could buy a house for 1/10 of what we’ll pay for a condo in Chicago. You get the temptation, right?
Deep down, we both know that would never work, but the adult part of my brain kept nagging me, and I couldn’t help but wonder whether or not we were dumb for not considering it.
As November came to a close, we still didn’t have childcare lined up, and I was panicking.
Enter: Neighborhood Parents Network–an online community for, well, parents. I decided to join, crossed my fingers, and started stalking their childcare forums.
That’s when I saw a post from another mom, seeking another family to share a nanny with. She already has a nanny she trusts and loves. She has a daughter that’s only 2 weeks younger than Finn. She lives very close to us. And–gasp!–she was open to having a family only share the nanny part-time.
I contacted her immediately and, after a few very promising email exchanges, we set up a phone chat. Turns out, the nanny starts 15 minutes after we would need her, and the mom wasn’t willing to budge on the schedule. I was so bummed, but we had to walk away, as I wouldn’t have been able to make it to work each morning.
A few weeks later, I saw another promising post on NPN and sent another email, fingers crossed. And guess what? It was the exact same mom. She was still looking for the right fit, as were we.
I asked her whether she’d consider changing the nanny’s schedule, and she agreed. This past weekend, we met her, her adorable daughter, and the nanny. We loved them all! Finn was SO smitten with the nanny; he laughed and giggled with her the entire visit, and she seemed to put him at ease immediately.
We left feeling very, very good about the whole situation. In my gut, I know this right for our family–and right for Finn. So, he will go to his “girlfriend’s house” 25-30 hours a week, and they will both be taken care of by a wonderful, loving, and experienced nanny. He will have companionship, and we will have peace of mind. Or, at least as much peace of mind you can have when you’re leaving your baby in someone else’s care for the first time.
Logistically, it really is the perfect fit. We have committed to 30 hours/week year-round, but we can change the days and times each semester, as my schedule shifts. Since the nanny is already there 45 hours a week, it won’t affect her schedule if we switch up days.
Also, we get the benefits of having a very experienced–and well-regarded–nanny without having to pay the full cost. Sharing has allowed us to have the kind of nanny that we could never afford on our own. And, even better, another mom has done the legwork for us, vetting the nanny, running background checks, and calling references. Her daughter has already been in the nanny’s care for weeks, and the fact that she trusts her so much makes us feel all the more comfortable.
So, come mid-January, Finn will be spending a large part of his week away from home. Even writing that breaks my heart a little bit, but I know he will be safe and loved. I’m sure the transition will be tougher on me than it will be on him, anyway.