Today, it is cloudy with 0% chance of pregnancy. We are 14 DPO, and we just got a BFN (big fat negative) on a test, this morning.
We knew this was coming. The fact that we waited the full 14 days to test is testament to that. Usually, when we are excited/hopeful, we sneak a test in a few days early.
If you’re keeping track, you know that this is our fourth cycle attempt for this pregnancy. We tried for two months earlier in the year, two months just recently. We’ve had five inseminations, using five vials of sperm. We’ve taken probably 8-10 pregnancy tests–all negative. Sona has tested for ovulation nearly 50 times. We’re about $7,000.00-$8,000.00 in, so far.
So, yeah. We knew this was coming. We were pretty sure we weren’t pregnant. We figured the timing was off. We kept mum about the possibility of pregnancy for two weeks, barely saying a word about it to one another, figuring that the more we talked about it, the more it would sting when it didn’t come to fruition.
As anyone will tell you about anything sucky: just because you know it’s coming, doesn’t make it any easier. We have our first appointment with a fertility doctor on Wednesday, even though we’d both secretly hoped we would be able to cancel, calling to say, “Sorry! We got pregnant. No need to come in.” But I think we’re ready to get some answers, eliminate the guessing game, and just get this done.
We’re a little uncertain about what comes ahead: the costs, the stress, the time commitment of having to do daily ultrasounds and regular blood tests. (Sona is really stressed about how she’s going to juggle that and her work schedule, which is inflexible.) But we’re going to keep on moving, and we’ll keep you posted.
This morning, after testing, we took the train to a nearby farmer’s market. It was a crisp fall morning–my favorite. We bought 10lbs of apples, two croissants, and a couple of smoothies. We took Finn to the park. We ate biscuits and gravy as the rain, which we just missed, began.
On the platform earlier, as we waited for the train, an old lady watched Finn, commenting on how beautiful he was. “He needs a little sister,” she said. “She’d be beautiful, too.” Sona and I just looked at each other. We didn’t have to say anything. We both knew what the other was thinking.